Dark Poetry Prose Poetry January 20, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

1-20-03 monday 8:17pm brick NJ

perfect lives complain the most. perfect lives never realize they are until they're not perfect anymore.

i'm tired of friends that don't have the time. disenchanted with hollow words. promises don't make me less alone than i am. late phone calls whilttle away a few more hours off my life. but by the time we come to good bye it's the same as it's always been. weekends melt away away like birthday candles without a wish. but they have their lives, so why should mine be any different.

i just think some times that it would hurt less to completely forget. why pretend there are prospects only to watch them lie to me again. i just think that alone is the best place i can be. you'll hardly notice. if you do at all. the friend so many like to call, never had a friend at all. it's time i accept who i am. it's time i go back to where i belong. the only place that's ever really welcomed me. alone is my home. it's who i have to be.

rings around my wrist may sparkle as i type this. but the sparkle in your eyes was all i every really wanted. i just couldn't do it.

and the hours of conversation we have spent stay in my heart. they'll always be a part of who i am.

but that's all i am. an ear instead of a dial tone. an understudy to the throne. a friend is not what i am. a friend is not what i have. i've alway been alone. it's just that now i know that.

may the world treat you kindly. may all your friends be real. but i can't pretend anymore that i'm someone outside of this cage of solitude in which i exist. a distance voice isn't enough. a guilty gift doesn't fill this emptiness. and your busy lives i understand, but i also know there's always some time if you really want to find it.

i'd just rather slip away before i've said things i might regret. i'd just rather succumb to circumstance before i begin to resent. i was your friend. i'll still be if you really need it. but i'm sure you can do just fine without me. it's probably best if i just go back to when i was alone. since that's just how i've always have been. i prefer to be alone by myself to being alone and pretending that i'm not. i prefer being alone by myself rather than waiting on friends who just haven't got the time to be. you call me crazy if you want. you can think i'm exaggerating if it suits you. it doesn't really matter to me. but i know who i am. i always have. and i know where i've been. i know friendship. and this was never it.