Dark Poetry Prose Poetry August 16, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

8-16-03 1:40am Brick NJ saturday

how does your heart move? fast and furious or slow and steady. how does it move me. rhythm and rhyme against the backdrop of stolen moments. captured lives pretending cages don't confine.

why do i try to be myself when. take the night and challenge its intent. swallow the darkness. lick it like ice cream melting down your wrist. sweet and sticky and so satisfying.

mark your pages with footnotes about. as if they can give source. make sense of how. fill my life with something real. something i can truly believe. hold your breath and take your chance on this. in my heart there is no tomorrow. only now.

8-16-03 saturday 8:18pm brick NJ

going or gone? home or lost? though i was prepared. couldn't really be. though you said you loved. i couldn't really believe.

too close to the flame. skin melts. pain overtakes. weak muscles show. secrets are captured. taken hostage. moments are shattered. no going back.

would that i could. be better. would that i could ever know the love of another. to really know it. to be so certain that it lives. not the ghosts that haunt when night insists.

over or done? tragic or just plain stupid? all of them. hearts are naive like that. for all the fears they harbor about, they still dive in. let themselves drown. even knowing they can't swim, they still dive right in.

8-16-03 saturday 9:30pm Brick NJ

if i write because i just feel. without a reason. if i write just because my fingers are eager. my mind uneasy. the music loud, but never loud enough. to drown out the person i've become.

i don't even like me. i've turned into all the things i never wanted to be.

lonely lips grasp at the sweetness of chemical reactions. others kinds of thirsts quenched. lonely as i've been these few years passed. i'm amazed at how it can go deeper yet.

all the answers i never sought come without invitation. and the questions that i've lost can no longer protect me. all the ways in which time twists these lives into knots. braided chains of feeling tempting to hang by. just turn it into. just the silence as it consumes you. it's just another night too much like all those before. it's just another song that isn't quite right. so close, but no, no one knows. how or what or why i'm still alive.

if i remember you more now that someone else has invaded my heart. what can it mean. if it makes me sad to think of you. because i know you could have, but you refused. if love never ends, but it changes. i'm not sure how to adjust myself to suit them. i feel different, but the same still. like staring at the calendar knowing another day has come, but unaware of how. or why it must. like all those long weekends when nothing happened, but everything came undone.

you breathed and it filled my lungs with life again. i had lived, but not like this. you touched me and all that dead skin suddenly had living nerve ends.

now i fear i am alone again. am i wrong or am i right? tell me now before i die another time.