Dark Poetry Prose Poetry January 2, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

1-02-03 thursday 9:15pm Brick NJ

a new folder to find the places in my life that i don't dare tread. a whole new year to wonder why it is. and you there so sure of yourself. so certain that i can not forget. or even if i could that i would not let it happen. the world rolls over like a pup. the new year scratches it's belly and we all pretend that we can sing as allegories invade our skin. we all submit to the illusion that a new year can somehow bring a new solution. one leg wagging as we attempt to make sense of all those frantic feelings. there's no time left to. so let's just abandon and start anew. another year is over, so let's just pretend that this is the first one. let's just pretend that we never knew.

my whole life i've written. both the words i've said and the ones that i couldn't. my whole life i've observed myself and those that i love. never knowing when i should take part. the years have a way of making it seem they are endless until some shadow falls abruptly and all of a sudden you're mortal again. the night has its ways of making the pain bearable even when it's anything but. do you enjoy it. have you ever. is it worth it. was it yourself or was it them. is it life or just the threat?

all the lyrics could be the same song. all the conversations could be nothing. when i'm alone it's you that i can't help but love. i don't have a reason. i don't want to. but when i'm alone it's you that i think of.

01-02-03 thurday 10:50pm brick NJ

you've been my reason, but the only reasons that you have are your own. you've been my inspiration and i beleive that i've reaped all that i can. beautiful as you are it just can't matter anymore. beautfiul as you feel, i can't let myself be that weak.

you're beautiful. and i hope that you always know it's so. you're everything this heart has ever sought. and even if it wasn't to be, i hope you take it with you when the years obesess about how you've treated them. you can use me in your defense. you can lean back on this when time refuses to be your crutch. you can remember that you'll always be beautiful to me.

the purple sky makes it that much sadder to be alone when it seems you should be here. but whatever reasons you harbor. whatever purposes you nurture. i only hope they grow to be all that you wish. i only hope that they can hold you when nothing else is sure.

stay my friend if you can. but do either of us believe the words we send in gentle esteem. be a friend if it's within your means. but do either of us really trust in the words we pledge out of neccessity. in love there is no doubt. but all else confounds me. in need there can be no debate. it plagues me always. but will reality allow. these jaded hearts will not abide the dreams that we bleed. make your solitude a bandage. since that's all we can. make yourself believe that world is all you want and can. and we'll both sit alone hoping for it to be so. i'll sit here hoping that you'll never need more than you have.