Dark Poetry Prose Poetry January 5, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

1-05-02 sunday brick NJ 8:40pm

i know you probably already know what i'm going to say. how the farther that we drift arpart the closer that we stay. how with all that we could want reality won't usually obey. and as the snow comes down i can't help wondering why the winters seem to last so long and the summer scarcely a day. i can slip inside this envelope where the self separates from itself with a little help from things from which bad habits are made. i can slip inside this tomb where live appears to still be living even when that last corpusle has stopped trying. i can. i just might. i've no reason not to. i never really did. i looked to you, but it was wrong. i looked and saw everything i never thought in you. but it's my responsibility, not yours.

i don't know why you make your exit all of a sudden. like some angel on a mission you suddenly can fly again. i don't know why i'm this person i am now. so unlike the one you first met. so afraid of the realities on which i once fed.

maybe time is for those who are foolish enough to follow her tired procession. and the rest us must exist outside of that kingdom. maybe life is nothing more than a facede for the dead. a mask to hide the eternity we can't explain. i could've just been born the night i met you. it could've been my first breath. for all i know it was. time passes. and so do we. time gathers her forces. but i don't want to do battle. i just want the fight to end.

1-05-03 sunday 9pm brick NJ

i'm wearing your words around my wrist. but everything else you are i've only so far imagined it.

i've been playing by your rules. i've been losing at your game. it's no wonder since i don't know the object. since there is no winner in your plot.

i wear your sentiments around my wrist like some tether that holds my heart. i hear your words and they mean everything to me. even the smallest ones are huge to me. but i don't know where you're going or where you've been. i don't understand how or why we could ever love when there's nothing left. when breath is all we have. and all it does is keep me alive when i surely don't need to be. i don't get it, when mail order is all we've been, but contact is all that we need.

your wallet holds your heart. your feelings express themselves in dollars. and that would be fine if i were someone who that could impress. but i'm not. i never have been. and all the beautiful bracelets in the world can't change that.

i'll wear your promises around my wrist and try to pretend it's you instead. that you are here. that you've always been. try to prove your love with gifts if you must, but we're both still alone once the boxes have been discarded. we're both alone after the sweetness of the thought has fallen into the distance between.

i could say it again. what i've been saying from the beginning. my heart agape with the feelings i never suspected could be real. i could tell you again how the world paused for a moment when i saw your face. but i've said it so much that it must seem triite by now. we've both listened to that song for so long it may as well be the sound of our hearts beating. together in their aloneness. running parallel, but refusing to cross paths.

i'll wear your heart around my wrist and try to convince myself that it fits. i don't think someday. i never did. i just loved, but i had no plans. i want to be alone. that's where i should stay. i never wanted to leave this lonely place. i only thought we could meet once in a while. take this solitude and pool it into something worthwhile. i'll wear your heart around my wrist and treasure the sentiment. it's not you, but its a peice. you give what you can. and i do understand. you hear the silence same as i have. it doesn't matter that we can't. it only matters that you tried. i'm just not sure that you did. it doesn't matter if we couldn't. it only matters that we made the effort. i'm just not sure you ever felt compelled to. this ring around my wrist could represents everything you've felt, but could not expres. this ring around my wrist coudl be everything you ever wanted to say, but could not find the words to contest. i know it's more than just a bracelet. i know it's more than just a gift. i could never know everything about you, but most certainly i know this.