Dark Poetry Prose Poetry January 13, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

1-13-03 monday 9:18pm brick NJ

you sit there swimming in yourself thinking that love is my greatest downfall. you listen so carefully to the silence and think how is it that i can stand this. but honestly i adore it. and i don't know why people live. i don't know why they build those lives they later wish they hadn't. you sit there treading the surface of your life thinking how deep you could sink. how deep you did the last time that you. that love is the only thing making it hard. but it's also the only thing making me still want to.

if i drowned tonight in my own pities i wouldn't be surprised. i wouldn't wish i'd had more time. but i know i won't. the end is always in sight, but forever over that horizon. this self is deep enough to drown me, but it isn't ready to. these bottles that i quickly empty are more than enough to sink me, but the waves aren't high enough yet. the undertow just won't grip.

i could tell you again as i have so many time in the past you're all that means anything outside family. but i won't expect. i don't want. i never have. i know better than. just a friend. that's fine. just once in a while is almost enough. it has to be i guess. it should be. it is. if i don't dwell too long on how much i love you then it's fine. if i don't dive into that deep end where love becomes my downfall again. then it's all right. just friends. it's perfect.