Dark Poetry Prose Poetry January 14, 2005 Dark Poetic Prose

01-14-05 friday 9:33pm

got your shoulder to the sky. your head in your brow. you're waking up, but falling down.

don't know when it's over. or even when it began. just have all those series of moments stuffed into my head. like the laser of a gun pointed at its target. just a heartbeat between your finger and the trigger.

it's not like i had a plan. or even a reason to formulate one. i just fell into the world like a feather lost from a wing in flight. landed on the ground and lay there consumed with remembering how high.

spent my time perfecting how to treat myself bad. learning to do damage to places inside myself most people never even realize they have.

and outside, it's always the same thing. nod and pretend that you're all right. no need to smile or laugh. just keep quiet. nod your head. they'll see through you. sadness makes me invisible. transparent.

lent my heart out to a friend. he never returned it. i guess i didn't really want it back.

thought i could giveaway. or throw it out.

but he didn't want it. not then. not now.

but it just didn't fit where it once had.

so i wrote a letter to myself and hid it inside the final paragraph.

01-14-05 friday 10:59pm

velvet tanks with silken grenades. just life. it gets in the way.

make myself a necktie out of the long and short of memory. half windsor knots in the heart stiffen about your neck.

don't i know. always have. the way the water curls away from the sand its about to embrace.

not that much time really left. measured against what i wanted to have. it fills up. tugs the scale down. stresses the weight.

over and above the mountains. chase their clouds. cool raindrops hung like photographs. of life in motion.

day by day sleep forgets and i am woken up. through the blinds the sun rises. growing fast as a flame does.

so you get out of bed and you live the life you've been designated. you get out of bed and you do the things they expect. just like a clock going round, there's no end. time keeps happening. i am dumbfounded.

every day. every night. it comes without relent. earthquakes in the heart don't topple those towers. still they stand. so cold and stoic.

i've waited. i've tried. so long it's been.

tomorrow comes not to justify. but rather to punish.

still the world and watch. it's not alive. just thinks it is.