Dark Poetry Prose Poetry January 29, 2004 Dark Poetic Prose

01-29-04 thursday 10:51pm brick NJ

you think i'm whining. don't appreciate. you don't know. you don't know me at all. just because you found your way under my skin doesn't mean you ever knew anything about me.

i quit.

01-29-04 thursday 11pm brick NJ

shallow graves. that's how the weak are buried. open caskets. with empty faces questioning. not all those born are able to live. it's just a fact. bend your moonbeams as if that can alter the tide. strike the keys. the piano cries. they pity you. can't abandon. but you never meant for that to happen. they pity you. couldn't live with the knowledge. if only they knew you were dead long before you ever met them.

i'm empty. so what could you possibly see in me. that's how i know it's untrue. i'm empty. so you can't find anything worthwhile here. so you can take your charity and give it to some needy people. because i don't want. i don't need. i've never asked. all i've ever done is question. i've never sought. all i've ever done is stumbled upon.

and i never really thought that i lost. i just never seemed to gain. sometimes it would seem that way, but then it'd all be taken away. i never really thought of myself as cheated. i just never really expected that i had a chance. i've always seen life as a movie. all i ever tried to do was watch it. i never really wanted to be a part of the plot. but occasionally i'd get sucked in. i never really expected anything. i just sometimes wondered how it might feel. to know one of those strange people. to have them know me. to connect. if that would ever be.

i never really wanted. if you can believe that. all i wanted was not to. i never sought. never expected. i always figured that i'd had my chance and now it was just a matter of accepting the loss.

i don't really understand friendship. don't understand love. and whatever falls between them i'm not sure what it is, but i know that it's too complicated. i know that i can't go there again.

i don't know why you do. can't imagine your motives. i just know that i'm not worth it. maybe nothing is.