Dark Poetry Prose Poetry January 31 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

1-31-03 friday 9:11pm brick NJ

it's a habit if you will. this breathing that i do. nothing more. nothing less. merely the absense of anything better.

say goodbye before you no longer can. say you've enjoyed it and that you're sorry it couldn't last. even though i know it's a lie. it doesn't matter.

i'm too old for this. and it is even older.

i've got to leave. got to take these shadows to the next dream. that one where everything is over. i've got to go. take this blood and watch it bleed. until these veins are empty. just like the rest of me. just like i've always been.

there are no words left to send. i've sent them all and then only to wish i could have them back. there are no days left to wait upon. no more hope to egg me on as if it could ever. as it life would ever. it's over. it's really over this time. not another day. not one more night to sit here lost iin my sadness. not another night to worship these verses as if they could somehow change. there's nothing left. nothing left to say. nothing left to live. it's over. i'm dead.

1-31-03 friday 10:17pm brick NJ

it's late at night when everything the day had forgotten comes alive again. it's alone where i live. where everything that's ever been. the songs and the stories. like tattered allegories. a life of words and nothing more. a life of loves it hadn't earned. a search in darkness for a candle in the wind.

it will be too easy to remember you when alone finds more ways to infect. it won't be like it's been.. now that i've been there. now that i've felt it. how do i go on living without it. how do i pretend it doesn't matter when it's the only thing that does?

is your life that empty that you don't even noticed when something comes along to fill it up? is it just that easy for you to crawl inside me. feel everything and then crawl out again as if it never happened? that flesh inside my own. that taste of bitter truth mixed with a feeling of euphoria. that moist smile pressed against my own. i only wonder why it had to feel so good if it could never be that way. i just question why you would when you had always known. i only wonder why it had to feel so right if wrong was all it could be. it's old now. we still pretend somehow that there's hope. but we both know.