Dark Poetry Prose Poetry February 4, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

2-04-03 tuesday 7pm brick NJ

i've got to write you something even if it's not what you want to read. i've got to tell you something about me and then wait and see if you still want to know me.

if life is a circle them mine is broken. if the rain is nothing more than recycled tears then it would never rain on me. but they're not. and it's always raining. just sometimes soft and sometimes hard. sometimes i'm mean and sometimes i'm just not.

if i could take you inside me again i could maybe make you understand. if you could just keep in mind that it isn't always what i want to say. the feelings erupt and spew their lava all over the people around me. i try to shield them, but it burns right through my barriers. i try to keep it in, but it's sometimes much stronger than i am.

i want you. maybe now more than ever before. the feel of your flesh up against mine. that static crackling through all my senses like a lightning storm in my head. i want you just as much, if not more. but you make it so that i can't. give me a choice just once and i'd grab it so fast. i want to, but you leave it so that i can't. i'm only human just like any of us. perhaps somewhat more flawed than the average. but i feel and i love just like. i have some of the highest highs shadowed by the lowest lows. i can't control them. it's your choice. either you love me or you hate me as i am.

it couldn't be more intense. this desire. this love. this everything that i am. it couldn't mean more. your voice. your touch. everything you embody is everything i want. all your perfections and all your flaws. i love them all without question. i always have. this is my only constant.

i want you. don't you see? and i need you to want me. i want you so much, but it's so that i can't. just give me a way to be able to say that i can. give me that chance. don't make me say no when i want to say yes so bad.

2-04-03 tuesaday 9:35pm brick NJ

did you know that these songs we bleed are singing? like thunder rolling across a dark summer sky. every ear hears. every second sighs heavy with the the depth of its pain.

did you notice how my words escape me. they run amok like white blood cells feeding on the red ones. a cancer of the soul. i'm dying. i always have been. but no one cares. and i can't wait for it to happen.

have you ever heard the things i can't say? do any of them make their way into your heart. for all my wrongs. for all my misgivings. i'm nothing more than another helpless human loving what i shouldn't. that's all there is. i barter with the sorrow for moments of clarity, but they are soft and fleeing. and the pain is so harsh and persistent.

just don't ever doubt for even a second that my love for you is unending. that's all you need to know. just don't ever let a night pass without remembering how i tried. i failed i guess. but i tried. i tried so much. i wanted to, but i just couldn't. just don't remember me different than when. when you still loved me. that is if you ever really did. i thought for a moment it could be true, but maybe i was mistaken. i really believed then that it was real. but i could've just been needing it more than.