Dark Poetry Prose Poetry February 6, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

2-06-03 thursday 8:34pm brick NJ

it's easy when the nothing sinks in. shadows move across your life blotting out everything you don't want to remind. but it's hard when the hgih just won't take. you pump the substances into your veins, but sometimes what you feel is so much stronger than the abuses you can claim. sometimes.

if i'm old enough to know then i ought to be old enough to die. but the double standards and the injustice is commonplace. if i'm too young then it should still be easy like when i actually was. but clarity and resolve are not places in my soul where the elevator stops. you gotta climb. you gotta traverse that jagged landscape just to see that star so many millions of miles away. you gotta cry. you gotta sit and brood in your private darkness until the alcohol forgets and you're yourself again.

if i could teach you. the intricacies of alone. the beauty of misery. everyone doesn't have the good things to cling to. the world often overlooks those among us who don't want to love or who aren't. happiness usually passes right by the ones like us. we don't have anything to offer her, but we keep reaching for.

she hangs there in the light above your thoughts. like an angel. she appears in the midst of your indulgence to mock all that you have become. but she didn't want you before. she didn't want you then. so maybe she never will. maybe she isn't even real. maybe it's the rest of them who are living a lie. maybe we're the only ones who aren't. lost in our solitude. too sad to cry. encased in this tired buzz. maybe the trick is that we have to stop wanting her. then she'll might want us.

02-06-03 thurday 10:00pm brick NJ

it's phases. asking the days to ease up, but they laugh and say you're old enough. the stages. life like a razor on my wrist. it skates across, but never breaks the surface. it teases death, but has no intention of giving in.

random songs in heated repetition. merging toward another daybreak. let sleep be that one salvation. too brief. again i awaken to the sounds of life and the burning sun pulling at my flesh. random songs in merging chorus. they all sound the same even when i really listen. it's not them. it's me. they are different. but i am not.

hey, don't forget who loves you baby. life puts all its weight on you and expects. we can't always rise to the occasion. but hey, baby, don't forget why i love you. why i always have. not just for your perfections. but just as much your less than. there's never been one single good reason to love or live. never has been until i saw your face. everything that came after that was just filling space. there never was a reason to see tomorrow. just too many reasons not to. there never was until you. now i know. even if it doesn't know me. now it's been. even if again it can never be.