Dark Poetry Prose Poetry February 9, 2004 Dark Poetic Prose

2-9-04 monday 8:33pm brick NJ

that winter heart. those autumn eyes. so prone to fits of loneliness and uplifting lies.

it's easy to forget yourself sometimes. just because you want it so much that nothing can stop you. and all the substances that man invents to do just that. it's no surprise. most everyone is lonely. most everyone is sad. it's just that most of them deny.

despair. that's a word i haven't thought about for a long time. it sounds so utterly hopeless. now it's just stuck in my head. despair. if despair were a thing it'd be a dark dirty pit with shackles to keep you in it. despair. i think it's sadder than any of the other sad words. morose, depressed, melancholy, anguished. they're all very somber words, but despair is different. those words sound temporary. they seem to have a definitive end. but despair. despair feels endless.

2-09-04 monday 10:37pm

you say i think too much, but you've never been me. so how can you know that? feel free to judge if you're comfortable with that.

maybe you don't think enough.

but that's not the point really.

do you like who i am or don't you? cuz this is me. i can't always be happy. infact i seldom am.

you brought out a side of me i had forgotten even was. but that's not who i usually am. so if that's the person you want as a friend you're not likely to encounter her again.

life is full of choices, but sometimes none of them are good.

i feel like i've been suckered. abandoned. it's not unexpected. it's just disappointing. in my mind, it's not about what anyone wanted. it's about what was had.

i know you can't understanad my state of mind. no better than i can see it from your side. maybe you had all the best of intentions. i really don't know. but even if that's so, i don't see what good it could do you to continue to know me.

honestly, i don't care whether you're real or not. all i know is that i'm hopeless. and on the off chance that you do care, i'd like to try to be the better person and not drag you down into my depths.

02-09-04 monday 11:52pm Brick NJ

you're all into it and i don't feel enough.

suddenly you're not and i feel too much.

that's fair.