Dark Poetry Prose Poetry February 10, 2005 Dark Poetic Prose

02-10-05 8:31pm thursday

turmoil speaks in the voice of a friend. one who's long gone, but you still can't stop thinking about them.

self-destruction does as you request. frail lord of your own life without a single savior to attest.

where i want to be haunts like a dream left in pieces after having woken up. all the images splinter and get caught under my skin. i can feel them there, but i don't know what the the image was.

life, won't have just a little mercy on me. let me know how much longer. how much further til me meet.

life, don't you know i never meant it to turn out like this. i failed you. i know i did.

02-10-05 thursday 10:24pm

so now here you are. or there you're not. fetch me a tear from out of the coffin where our love resides.

listen. you never could. but always had to be heard. so needing. but unwilling to give. selfish. throwing thin blankets over fires. picking petals from flowers that don't belong. not roses. not red like that. just happenstance blooms that you'd use to. nothing's real.

i used to miss you, now i just wonder why. you leave yourself there like that. you don't have to be alone, but you are. you don't have to be lonely, but you choose it. siphoning my sympathy. leaving me stranded while you sped away.

there you were. so long ago. when i still could remember how it felt to feel that way about you. tv glowing in the darkness of my life. lighting up a world outside myself. fraught with questions i couldn't bring myself to ask.

there you were. there you are. so consumed with who you are. who you've been. teetering on the verge of living. thinking. always thinking there might be better yet. so much so that you can't love what is.

you made yourself the martyr. and then couldn't understand why no one could pity hiim. you denied it. turned your back on happiness. and then didn't understand why those who craved it so much resented.

you're so lucky. but you'll never see it. you'll throw it all away. waste it. and all i can do is watch. as the things you give away, everything i could ever wanted. you're throw away. everything i'll always wish i could've had. to you, just garbage.

02-10-05 10:25pm thursday

i just wanted. all i wanted was to be myself again. not that stranger selling candy on my doorstep. not that girl who would let them. take advantage. spinning as she did. yo yo on their string's end.

i just thought i could find a better habit. one less destructive. not to live again. but just to die quietly. dig that grave in silence. didn't want anyone to visit it anyway.

just wanted not to make enemies, if not friends. becuase i knew i never had any firneds. that was obvious.

i don't think maybe tomorrow. i don't think anyone at all. i just hear the voices lost in their songs. and hope. hope they'll last long enough. so that i can hear them before i'm gone.

don't tell me i'm lost until you've been there yourself. seen how high the walls. seen how dusty the shelves.

you can forget. i don't really mind. you can. it's well within the relam of possibility that all that happened between us should come to this. this nothing on the edge of ours minds. still so obsessed with how much you could have lived, but unable to provide.