Dark Poetry Prose Poetry February 19, 2004 Dark Poetic Prose

02-19-04 thursday 10pm brick NJ

only night asks the questions that we'd never expect we'd have to answer. the things i've written before this make me wonder why i did. i've never been right. never been wrong. i've always just straddled both sides of that fence. but at some point one of those pickets will find flesh.

only life knows why it insists against all reason. and i linger for hours in debates with my senses. weighing every gain and loss that has ever been.

and i know for certain there have been gains. they're quite apparent. and i know for certain there have been losses. they are just as evident. what i can't decide is which have been greater. and then it occurs to me that doesn't matter. it's not about what you've received. what you've given. the only indiciation of success is are you happy. and though i'd like to say i am. though i'd like to take those people who've been there and have them change me. the truth is, a friend just isn't enough anymore. it once was. but too many years have passed. and unfortunately, happiness now requires more.

friends will see you through to the next day when tomorrow seems an eternity away. friends aren't something i'd ever wish to forsake. but there comes a point in every life, when something more substantial is a neccessity. much as you want those friends to be enough. try as we might, it isn't.

and if love should come in cloudy phases. all mixed up with other circumstances. if it must happen that way. i just wish that it wouldn't come at all. it's a wonder to experience, but so hard to give up. they say it's something better to have lost. maybe so. i'll let you know when i've have the chance to actually lose it.

if love should lie and act the part when the stage is already set for another scene. i don't really know what to make of it. should i close the curtain and pretend that it never happened. or should i listen to its tired diatribe. how can i believe it when so many times it has lied.

i don't question their intentions. i don't question their honesty. i just find myself believing that happiness is not unlike a holy grail. a long long quest that ultimately ends in misery. i don't question their motives. i don't bother to suspect. i just remember my history and realize i keep repeating it.