Dark Poetry Prose Poetry February 23, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

2-23-03 sunday brick NJ 9:40pm

sundays are made to catch the thoghts on any other day we might have lost. sunday nigths archive the wekes and months that have taken us back to them again.

each section of life pushes more excuses to use whatever mean i can to escape who i am and this life that panders false propositions of living it can't deliver. each call a blessing and a threat. to love that which cannot love back is perhaps nothing more than the pursuit of a heart addicted to what isn't possible. but then i realize, what's the difference. when nothing really is. why not stick with what still fits. evern if it's lonesome state for a life to inhabit. why change knowing any other place couldn't be very different.

just flow with the dull pain as it buzzes through my mind. it's familiar. almost a friend. why discard the comfortable sorrow for some strange new embodiment.

i've struggle with it since the reality first pierced my flesh. the friend. the lover. the secrets we may never share. i've wonder ever since it became apparent that i couldn't, who would make you love agian. or if you even want to. and if you really truly don't need it, i 'd like to knw your secret. if you're relly content as it is i'd like to know how you do it.

a phone call can certainly be enogh. it all depend on what we're able to say. and how much ot those word we can accept. an onccasionl conversation sometimes seems more real that any touch. it's just perspective i guess.

but you must know i get lonely more than often. and i wonder as i do how often it chases you. i want to have a way. some way to take that man who hides in his work and his wine and give his a reason to want to live again. i tried to find it in me, but it wasn't enough. i tried to ask. to find out what you lacked. but perhaps you don't know any better than.

i sometimes think you could be someone i've known much longer than i actually have. it sometimes feels like we've committed to something. something far outside the boundaries of what love would normally expect.

i think that i could love you forever if give the chance. that even from death i'd need to come and see you again. just to watch. just to make certain taht you're good. nmaybe then, maybe if i was dead i could explain to you how you're taking for granted the time that you do have.