Dark Poetry Prose Poetry March 1, 2004 Dark Poetic Prose

8:52pm 03-01-04 monday brick NJ

arcing like the path of a comet. propelled by fire. moving across the heavens in tired repetition. noticed maybe once, twice in a lifetime. circumnavigating galaxies in a race without a victory lap. a race all by yourself against a rival you don't really have.

if it moves outside of me and i am a spectator watching the itinerary of my own life. shall i root for it. applaud from the bleachers like some dimwitted fan. if it coasts on without me because i've lost the ability to progress. shall i cheer it on still the same or should i just let it run. let it run far away.

if the scope of your life should consist of only a few comets. a scarce few events that you're willing to look up for. willing to shiver outside in the darkness just for the chance to witness what may never occur again in your time. i suppose that would be good. if something like that happened maybe just once in the course of your life.

but what of the event that you're so eager to to see. what has it to look for? what has it to be awed by as it make its lonely journey?

if your life does ever move again i'd like to be there when. i'd like to see that. if time beguiles like some sophisticated prostitute, i only hope that you follow that momentum. i'd love to see your comet shoot across my heavens again.

when i crawl away like a cockroach who's just mated. crawl away back to the dark corners where i can't be seen without a flashlight it's because i'm afraid of being stepped on. it's because i know i'm hardly more than a pest.

for all the ways there are to say that i never really wanted to live. there's no way for me to say that to any of them. because they couldn't understand. and i wouldn't want to upset them. because the arc of a life is bell shaped, but they're afraid to see. wherever you reach that peak. from then on is only a descent.

beceause i know that a future is for those who have one. not me. and though i may live a long life, it won't matter the length. it'll have been empty just the same.

03-01-04 monday 9:53pm brick

i've never told anyone. not seriously. how i cry every night. alone in my room. that when i see dead people on tv that i wish i were them.

it occured to me maybe that really is all there is. love. marriage. family. i couldn't think of anything else. i tried, but i couldn't.

little blond girl twins in disney commercials shouldn't have any effect on me. and the oversimplified themes of shows like seventh heaven make me want to retch. but still on some level, i know there is truth in their one-sided perspective. in their songs that croon how you're nobody til somebody loves you.

so i guess i was right all along. i am nobody afterall.

average joes still want hotties. even if the hot chicks don't want them. and the fat guys claim that's the reason, but maybe the real reason is that they're just as shallow as the girls they're courting.

average joes don't want average janes. let alone something less so. and everyone wants someone, but it isn't always meant to happen.

03-01-04 monday 11:20pm brick NJ

how are you. can you fix this. of course i can. it's all i can do. alter web pages. of course i can. it's my only purpose.

hi. how are you. can you add this link. of course i can. it's what i do best. it's what i am. not a person. just a webmistress. of course i will. i'm not a person. i'm just a means to an end.

how's it going. are you well. why yes, i suppose that i am as well as i've ever been. could you do me this favor. just this once. of course i can. it's what i do. it's all that i can.

because beauty is the eye of the beholder. but i've never been beholden. beacause beauty is soemthing i'd rather not be. to be loved for that is even wrose than to not be loved. to be loved for that is not better than not be loved at all.

hi. how are you friend. well, i'm stll alive, but how would you now that. and yes, i'll most certainly update that page for you. because that is what i do. if i don't do that then i am nothing.

should i wish to be beautiful. wanted for that. i'm not sure. because there are reasons to be and still more to not. they may have many oppotunitues, but that doesn't mean they're any more meanignful. in a sense i guess they're more likely to be judged by the surface than the average among us. but then again, theyre also more likely to do the same.