Dark Poetry Prose Poetry March 5, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

3-05-03 wed. 1:03pm brick NJ

hey, it's another day -
try to discern from
all those before,
it can't be done,
the best you can hope for
is just to maybe want this one;

and well if you find that you don't,
maybe tomorrow then,
though i doubt it,
i'm obligated to say it;

if i should spend my days
stealing pages from the tomorrows
and making them today,
collecting fees for things
that aren't even real,
building shadows out of
codes that draw people in;

if i should spend my nights
stealing moments from
bottles that never miss them,
smothering each moment that
is to come in the memory
of those which preceded;
if i should do this until
it finally refuses,
if i should -
what would it matter
to anyone?

i search for your thoughts sometimes
in the fog that engages between our lives,
i search sometimes for the you that isn't word or flesh,
the you that i feel sometimes when
feeling is the only thing i have left;

if i told you that once in a while
i know just where you are,
just how you feel, that something
overwhelms me and i know it isn't mine,
that some grief overtakes me
and i know it belongs to you;
if i told you would you believe me?

the winter's longer than it's ever been
and even moreso the sting of your absense,
it isn't that you're not here,
that i could easily deal with,
it's that you say you want to be,
but i'm still waiting,
wasting my rhymes on
a song that just won't sing.

it isn't that you don't come,
that i could almost expect,
it's just that you promise
you want to be,
but still don't show up,

if nothing is enough for you,
then i understand,
if nothing is all that you want,
well then you already have
everything you need,
and you obviously don't need me,
if nothing is what you wanted,
well, you got it, and
even though i didn't want it
you gave it to me.

how many years?
the eight that you admitted once -
or maybe more if i'm that stupid;
how long til you confess
that your love has no substance?

how many years?
is three not enough?
shall i wait three more
or maybe longer only to
discover that nothing is
still all that we have?

how long? how much?
when you go to sleep at night
is it easy to let go of
all the hearts that you
have strung?

how many years?
more than three i guess,
cuz i'm still here -
the fool that i am,
we're still trading i'm sorries
like candy hearts,
still exchanging maybes
like unwanted gifts,
but nieither of us ever
ends up with what we really wanted,
do you think we ever can?

you linger and i wait behind your shadow,
a shadow of shadow is the
thinest of the darkness;
you pretend, not just to me,
but to yourself as well,
the yeras collect all your misgivings,
i can live with the loneliness,
i always have,
but i don't want you to,
when i know it doesn't have to be,
i can befriend the sadness,
it's always been, but i know
it isn't what you want,
i know you want something,
you're afraid to have;
i hope you find it,
i hope you find a
way to ask.