Dark Poetry Prose Poetry March 6, 2004 Dark Poetic Prose

10:38am 3-06-04 saturday brick NJ

when i wake up and remember. stubborn lives. obstinate affections. balloons of hope slowly deflating. til there's nothing left, but the stretched out remains.

when i wake up and have had an unusual dream. sex and orgasm intwined in sleep. at first i thought it was you, but upon looking up i found there was no one there.

when you wake up what do you remember? when you dream i am ever there?

if i could say yes, what then could that mean? that somehow we'd managed to put away those feelings and settle into friendship.

if i could say yes, i'd like it to mean that, but it wouldn't. it'd only mean that someone had filled the balloon back up. that given the choice i'd choose you again and again. don't care at all about how it might have to end.

i couldn't tell what you wanted. i wanted to ask, but. i didn't want to hear about just friends again. i only wanted to know the answer if it was what i needed to hear. and since it didn't seem that it would be i chose not to ask.

i did want to invite you here. wanted it so much i couldn't speak. but i was afraid to face the prospect of me wanting you that way again and you not wanting me.

7:24pm 03-06-04 saturday brick NJ

there are no actions. only reactions. even when we don't mean to we're constantly giving off emissions. provoking and being provoked by them.

there are no winning or losing tickets. only those that always had and those that never did.

if you're new to this skin or if you're all too familiar with it, still it deserves your respect.

if you've been loved or even if you haven't. if you've made love or if you're still just having sex. it's still just a reaction to someone else's scent.

there are no reasons to nor reasons not to. only the excuses we make and the substances we abuse.

if you've written too much or hardly anything. still someone should read it.

if you've ever felt alive. if you've ever felt like dying. it's not so strange to. it's not unusual to come to those conclusions. or for them to come to you.

if you've ever heard yourself speaking while someone else was listening. really heard the words you were saying and the inflections behind them. if you've ever stopped for a moment to watch yourself living. then you'd know how they see you. and you'd be able to understand their reactions. then you'd know that what you're emitting is the cause of them. and you might try to be different, but you shouldn't. you might want to try to be different, but it's no use. god knows why they listen. god knows why they do. but somehow they still want to know you.