Dark Poetry Prose Poetry March 10, 2004 Dark Poetic Prose

8:03am 3-10-04 wednesday brick NJ

maybe i explained it wrong. or didn't explain at all. i liked when we spent time together. and yes, i also liked the sex. but did i expect something more. never. did i expect something less. yes, i guess i always knew it couldn't last. and was grateful for the time we had.

would i like to spend time again. of course i would, but not if you feel it's a threat. would i like to make love again. of course i would, but it's not requisite to us being friends.

maybe instead of telling you how i feel, i should be asking. i try sometimes. i'm sure i do, but you never seem to want to tell me.

but i think maybe all that writing that i do. all that emoting. you take it all in and form these diagrams about what's happening. either never realizing or else afraid to find out, how if i knew what you were thinking it might change the entire construct of the situation.

and if even just friends is too much. or else not enough. if that's the case, you can tell me so. i'd go, but i'd still be your friend just the same.

8:19pm 03-40-04 wednesday brick NJ

as silence greets with tattered frown from below the crispy crust of music loud. as there's nothing on tv other than what i've already seen and what i'd never choose to. as dio pleads "as long as it's not about love", i have to agree. as matchbox twenty insinuates the mixing of sex and feeling, "i'm only asking because i wanna know how you wanna feel", i'm taken by how readily they mingle. how ardently they work to confuse otherwise honest people.

as no answer comes to the questions i have asked and the statements i have made. they pace in my mind like an expectant father from years passed.

don't mind knowing. no matter what. never have. it's not knowing that's stalls my heart. knots my mind. don't mind knowing. regardless of. it's the wondering that's hardest to overcome.

as my words stare back at me i can't help but wonder how they look in your eyes. are they ugly? beautiful? do they appear as truth or lies? do they offer you sight or do they render you blind?

as i listen for the sound of your voice, only silence chooses to respond. as i contemplate your choices, i wonder are you gone?

as i turn the music lower in the hopes of, if nothing else to hear your last goodbye. i wonder how you feel right now. did i do this damage and how i might rectify.

as i make the music softer in hopes of receiving your call, i wonder why we ever bothered believing in love's brutal lies.

as i wait unknowing if this is goodbye, i wonder how you feel. could i somehow make it better. i wonder how you feel right now. could i ever make it better again or am i just making it worse somehow?