Dark Poetry Prose Poetry March 28, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

3-28-03 friday 9:10pm brick NJ

cold in your heart. hot in your hands. my time came and went before i ever recognized it. my time had been and gone bfeofre i'd ever the chance.

if you're lost - i can't criticize. if you'd rather leave it for time to decide. i don't blame you. choices are the last things that these simple lives should have. choices are the one thing taht mkae living harder than it has to be.

a discontinued thought caught in the gap between here and tomorrow. click to delete it, but it isn't really gone. emotion finds a way to recycle it. to recycle all the things we'd thought we'd lost.

if my letter go on forever. if my words are more tedious than meaningful. i apologize for ever having. i could've kept them. and i guess i should never have sent. if my thoughts seem endless. if my metaphors lose their purpose trying to be so damn poetic. i apologize for ever thinking i should send. i ought to know better. but some lessons take more than the obvious to learn. some lessons just don't stick until it really hurts.

if i let the drinking get the better of me. if i succumb to the option that the prescriptions can make me forget who i am. it's only life in its barest sense. it's only love at the heart's expense. if i should press to send when it wasn't meant to be read. it's only life caught up in the act of. it's only love. that's all it's ever been.

if it too much for you to take. if you don't want to hear again how this heart aches for your absense. i'll try my best. i'll make every effort not to. but i'm only human. i'm just a poet who knows that alone is where i belong. i'm just a poet who writes much morre than i am able to live. i'm just a heart caught in a fraction. the common demoninator - loneliness. i'm just a percent of a person who used to give a damn. if i write too much. if i suddenly click send again. pardon my weakness. but i'm still in love with you. i always have been. and i'm not sure not to is possible yet. or will ever be.

3-28-03 friday 9:46pm brick NJ

i've said so many things. too many words. scarcely enough meaning. i've written more than it ever deserved. made a world out of wanting when wanting wouldn't have me. i guess i used you. i guess if you were guilty i was too.

i want to say without length. without the smilie that beguiles. i want to say just what i feel, but it always comes out the same. all convoluted and strangeld in metaphors no one really needs.

we were friends before we ever made love. or at least that's what i like to call it. we were partners in crimes of the heart. time would wander. time would sometimes forget to remember us. but here we are still. whatever that can mean.

we were friends before. i still can recall the first conversations. a little jaded. a little bit insinuating, but that wasn't all.

if you're using me, i neer knew it. i still can't believe it. can't even see the purpose. knowing how much you add to my life, and how much i try to, but it still seems impossible.

i hate to borrow verses not my own, but i wonder who you love. who you really love. not what you can accept. not what you can take for granted. but what you really want. and if you believe you can have it.

it's friday and saturday nights that slither under your skin wehn alone just isn't what you had expected. it's work you left undone. things that press on your time. they'll get done, but i don't really know why. they'll do themselves throuhg my hands,. but the prupose they once proposed seems to have falsified its intentions. the friend i still love seems to hae forgotten how similar they can become.

i've sent more than i can respect. i've said more than you neeeded to read. from the pockets of my heavy heart i sometimes drop a few pennies into the fountains of wishes.

i know exactly what i am. exacly what i can never be. and how that all relaes to you and me,

there is no someday, theer is no next aside from tht sex that we seek.

there is love. i cn feel it. not jut in myself, but in you, it's just not enought. it just gets lost in the distance between this night and the next.

you miht think that i write more words thatn this deserves. that it goes on much longer than it shold maybe yiou''re right. maybe i just write only for the sake of it. maybe i just write because you'e my reason to. maybe the word aer enndless beacuse the is no diffeence between the beggning and the end. they're all the same. love makes her request, but you dont' asnwr.

i say too much, the words they go on forever. i apolodize. i never meant any of thi. it just happened. adn now i don't know how to end it. i never intened this to happen, but now the love exists and i can't seem to get rid of iy.

i say to mcuh.the words go on forever. and it doesn't een amtter. alll the metaphors mean nothing in the end. i'm still me. you're still you. the words continue wihtout reason. i try towrite it. how much, how deep. but it just doesn't matter toy you. i let the words go o forever because i don't know what else to do. lost in the space between what i am wand what you need. i write to much, i send verses you don't want. i'm sorry. i lose my strengnth when the demons weaken.i feel yoh thre inyour perfect life and wonder why i eer tried to be a part of it. i wonder how i could've ev ever beleive thre wa room for me.