Dark Poetry Prose Poetry March 30, 2004 Dark Poetic Prose

9:34pm 3-30-04 tuesday

one extra hour of work too many. can't change modes now. tables and head tags and new interfaces. and i'm glad i didn't install the openui updater.

it might be nice to have a person right now to be my pillow. lay back in them and feel soft instead of harder yet. it would be nice to have a reason to lay down. forget. and cuddle like children gripping precious stuffed animal friends.

just couldn't let the night escape me without saying something. even if, other things have taken up that space. i'll clear a small alcove and imagine the words cozy and affection still mean something to me.

i wonder should i have tried to reach you. or would i just be hindering. and it's so late now anyway. it was so late before i even realized that it was. all caught up in figuring out the things other people think i can't. all consumed with finishing tasks i probably never should've started.

maybe i'm manic afterall. cuz i suddenly feel so high. can't stop. can't mellow. highbeams won't turn off.

maybe i'm just trying too hard to be what people need because i can't be what they want. cuz those web pages always eventually submit to me, even if nothing else in life is quite that compliant. i can master them. they need me and i need them. and that is what i have.

i guess winter's ending and i can't take the heat. i struggle, but it's not worth it to me. i only do it because they need me.