Dark Poetry Prose Poetry April 2, 2004 Dark Poetic Prose

4-02-04 friday 7:38am

i write in different sizes.
usually quite tiny,
but occasionally
a little more bold..

i write in different sizes
depending upon what i'm saying.
how much space there is
and how much i need it to hold.

04-02-04 friday 8:26pm

take your time with the sadness. let it wash over you like an oil spill consuming all life in its path. flooded. sticky. black. unable to move. unable to cleanse yourself of that stench.

take your time with the sadness. let it seduce you slowly like a long perfect first kiss. and that jittery sensation sweeping from your heart to your fingertips. until all else fades into the distance. going blind to everything except yourself. how awful you feel. how much you wish you didn't.

curl up in it. like warm sheets that have just been made love against. full of that sweet scent of affection that only two linked bodies can emit. because it is your soulmate. your destiny. it's the only one who can truly love you. the only love you can accept.

11:06pm 4-02-04 friday

it was that first night all over again. only harder still since now i know what i'm missing. it was fear and excitement coming to a boil as we simmered over those flames. other things happening in my mind. better ways to say. neither submission nor resistance. just letting you choose. as i always have.

maybe that's wrong. maybe i should offer an opinion. i could, but it'd be so inappropriate. i would, but i'd feel guilty if i did.

it felt just like that first night. behind the headlights. first tastes. even the briefest resonate endlessly throughout the hallways of memory.

honestly i don't know what to want. what i should not. what you'd choose. what'd you'd refuse. and moreso, what you could live with. cause choices don't always let us. sometimes they just happen and you need someone to blame. i'd rather not be that.

i'd most certainly rather the moods stay constant. was so looking forward to seeing your face again. to touching your soft hair, but i coudln't do it. not without your permission.

you hugged me and i made it a point to find your heartbeat inside your chest. to hear it. there's something comforting in the sound. the rhythm that makes life happen. i listened. tried to feel what you are underneath that persona. cuz i wanted to go as deep inside you as you've gone into me.

but that can never be.

i just wanted this friday to be better than the others. cause it's been so long since they've differed. i just was so looking forward to seeing that smile again. how it fills my heart with a happiness that's stalked by sadness. how much i revel in your arrival. how i dread your departure imminent.

just like that first night. innocence pregnant with desire. how it led to. how it created and destroyed. it wasn't a shock, but that doesn't mean i wasn't sad to lose it.

it's just that you made it so easy when it should've been hard. just that you knew just how to respond when i was at my worst. that fist night still echos in my head like a song that won't relent. begging a purpose it's never to have.

weakness turns sours and makes you think it's anger, but it isn't. hurt turns colors and pretends it's something stronger than.

i just don't have anything i could want more than. that first night stil churning in my head. like a cigaratte slowly burning. every breath of pleasure detracts from the next.

i felt that first night all over again. it came beack to life and forced me to live it again. and i couldn't say i didn't want it. only that i wish i never had. just wish i could been a better friend.