Dark Poetry Prose Poetry April 5, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

4-05-03 saturday 8:18pm brick NJ

the sound like an umbrella over my mood. the songs like a guitar i strum as i brood. i can't play. i can't talk or write. i can only sit here in this gloom. i can only sit wondering when i'll die.

pages come and pages turn like the humming of the amplifier without a rhythm to yearn. like the numbness in my skull. the numbness in my soul. as the night seeps into my blood again. i am overcome. i have no control.

ghosts of thoughts shatter the silence with their anguished cries. tombstone memories pepper the landscape of this graveyard life. every night just another eulogy i've yet to write. tomorrow never seemed so far as it does right now. life never used to seem this long somehow. tomorrow never seemed such a threat. but now that's all it is. there were always these flirtations with death, but they were never this prominent. there were always shadows darker than the night could hold. but they never were as dark as they are right now. they never used to be so sure. so certain that this story needs no longer be told.

4-05-03 saturday 8:50pm brick NJ

unanswered or unsent?
how are they different?
song or silence -
it's not always so easy
to interperet;

half a bottle drank -
half a bottle to go -
half way to nowhere
travelling this road alone;

one more cigarette to smoke,
one more song to listen,
one time and then i'm gone -
that's what i keep insisting;

louder still, louder yet,
but it don't drown out
the ringing of the phone
or the static in my head;

long days, longer nights -
isn't that always how it does;
is that just a symptom of love
or it is a new disease it's given life?

i'm older, yet younger still
than when that first thrill
took us much further than
it was ever meant to -
took us so much further than
we ever knew;

i would if i could,
but you can't
so who should?
i would, but then again,
i'd be better to have never -
i would, i almost did,
but then i thought -
what if?
what if i really do?
what if i really do
love you?
what then -
what good is that
to either of us?
what could it prove
other than more
reasons not to.