Dark Poetry Prose Poetry April 8, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

4-08-03 9:50pm brick NJ tuesday

you and your world of reasons. never had a reason for me. you and your life of excesses couldn't spare a little something.

i guess it's over if i want it to be. i suppose it's always been.

if your life were a page i'd be a pen without any ink left. if your life were a page i'd try to write upon, but wouldn't be able to impress. if your life were a page i'd have written upon it. but your life isn't a page and even if it was you'd never open to cover to let.

all the things i could say. all that i could write. all the ways i try to. when the night petitions, none of that matters. i've no evidence. i can't prove it. i'm not even certain i belive it to be truth. i never have known. i guess i never will

all the wrods i give whether or not solicited. all the pieces of myself that presents themselves to you in the guise of rhyme. i feel so foolish, looking back. i feel so stupid for believing these stones around my wrist.

ultimately it doesn't matter what you feel if it isn't what you're willing to be. ultimately it doesn't matter how much you care if you can't be there. a word can be as beautiful as anything in life. but words can't stand alone. they need something real to own. words are beautiful and intentions even moreso. but a heart needs something to hold. flesh and bones. all your words and all your thoughts cannot be forgotten. it's just that a life needs to live, not just be spoken. it's just that when the nights are longer than, words tend to scatter and it's people that matter. when time sneaks all those years in, thoughts are still beautiful, but it's not easy to, maybe impossible, to extract happiness out of stray thoughts and good intentions.

i think that i know, regardless of you, i'll be alone nonetheless. but if i am to be alone, i should be there on my own. not pretending somone's waiting for me no one ever was. i know that regardless, i'd still be alone. it's just that heart's are sometimes spiteful like that. if they must be alone, they make quite the point of it. if they know they are alone, they refuse to pretend they aren't. they can't love partially. all or nothing. and i know that you can't. so i hope you'll forgive my restless heart. i hope you'll understand when i say that my love for you went without question. it's just that. that's exactly the reason. it's too much to pretend that friend can suffice when it surely never could. it hurts too much to keep playing like what we're doing is enough, when it's anything but.