Dark Poetry Prose Poetry April 15, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

4-15-03 9:43pm brick NJ tuesday

thoughts like ribbons. tie them in bows. decorate your life with them. love and diseases aren't all that different. they infect and they cripple until you can't even get out of bed. they take all that you had and strip it down to the barest. until you wish you were dead. but then, they make you linger. then they make you suffer for as long as they can.

why does time always seem to pass either too quickly or to slow? why does life always seem to pose questions you'll never know?

could i just be a tear on your cheek? just be one frame in your mind? could i just love you and receive something besides. something besides laters and goodbyes?

could i be just one paragraph. or even just one line. something besides the footnotes. could i ever be a reason to, instead of just an excuse? could i ever be written in permanent ink instead of the erasable kind? could i ever be a real part of your life instead of just a ghost you pretend sometimes?

4-15-03 10pm tuesday brick NJ

everything you needed,
nothing you would want;
all you have dreamed,
nothing you could have;

where does the sun go
when the moon takes over?
where does the tide turn
when the sands falter?

should i? would i?
have i already said too much?
is there anything left -
anything left to discuss?

everything i wanted,
nothing i could have;
all i had dreamed of,
all that i could ever love,
but it's not mine to be had;

i thought i'd ask one last time
why i should still be here;
i decided i'd ask one more time
why you think i'm not gone
and when you think i ought to be;

i know how quickly
these things grow old,
and i know how daunting
these questions can be;

i'm not looking for anything
in particular, except your thoughts,
i'm not asking for anything you haven't got,
just to know what you feel -
be it flatterig or not;

the weather quickly turns
from cold to warm,
and the sun suddenly
finds this world again;
and my thoughts are awakened,
what i feel for you
stronger than ever,
what i lack
so much more prominent;

i'm not asking you
to fill the holes,
in truth, you already have;
i'm not asking you
to pledge yourself to me,
in truth, i know that you can't;

it's just friend is so ambiguous
and your touch evenmoreso;
it's just that love is so easy to say
and so hard to uphold;

i'm tired of someday -
sick of tomorrow;
i'm tired of waiting -
done with loves borrowed;

i've said it before,
i may say it again,
i'm not seeking the end,
but it's always been
right there beside me;
i don't want the end,
but i at least need it to begin,
give me something,
anything you can;
cause the end has always been so close
and you never have;
the end has always been there
right beside me
and it seems you just can't.

4-15-03 tuesday 10:30pm brick NJ

the trouble is you can't say it in just one verse,
it goes on and on,
because it's a lifetime of feelings
you're trying to capture
and they can't be caught.

the trouble is these few words could never,
they're trying to take the place of
a world of emotions and they can't,
nothing can;

you try and you try
until the trying gets the best of you;
you search and you search
for words that don't exist;
spend my life trying to capture
with words what only a lifetime can,
spend my nights trying to tame with verse
what even love could not fully explain;

it's that, and so much more -
it's everything i feel or ever will
colliding in a brilliant explosion
of sadnesss everytime i see your eyes
and realize it can never be,
it's everything i could ever want
or hope to love staring at me from
behind darting eyes as we touch
and try to pretend that can be enough -
maybe so for you, but not for me