Dark Poetry Prose Poetry April 15, 2004 Dark Poetic Prose

10am 4-15-04 thursday

floating - can't find my gravity.
random - no orbit - no path.
watching the days
lingering passed like rings
of smoke from burning ash.

04-15-04 thursday 7:57pm

there's nothing left to want except. just turn off my heart and put on a record instead. they're all just days. then nights. not gifts. curses. maybe there never was anything to want. just distractions. devoid of substance.

don't want anything except. long drawn out conversations leave soft spots in my heart that i'd rather not have to bandage. the way that so much leads to so little. why want anything when ultimately its memory is all that you'll have left.

don't catch me. let me fall. it's not that far at all. infact the bottom might be a step up from where i've been.

see my highs. see my lows. my pendulum moods keep time, but nothing else. i'm a clock. i'm the hours counting relentless toward an inifinity they can't comprehend. feel my high lift us up. higher than heaven. and my lows drop me down separating us. you there on your level while i continue to plummet.

i can't attach to anyone. chance that possibility of bringing them down to my depth. i grow my love for them inside these capsules. always a barrier between. and then i wonder why we can't connect. because the heart never really does know what limits the mind has set.

there's nothing left to want. that i care to articulate. there's plenty to remember. that's more than enough. i don't feel cheated. just that it's done.

04-15-04 thursday 11pm

chances are the winner will win again. and losers expect. i see the night sitting there like child that long since should've been put to bed. i hear the songs that have no voice and place my own words into them. contemplating choices as i question if i ever had them.

there's no need to mourn the death of things that never lived. can't miss what never really happened. though you can see it in the eyes of others. like a flame against the darkness. and not want to, but still envy it.

sometimes i feel like superman. all steely and able to fly. unfortunately those flights seldom lead to better destinations. regrettably i know not how to land. instead i just crash. and i don't really care how many pieces i'm in. just don't like it when someone else tries to reassemble them.

i'm not complaining. just accounting for. every night asks the question and i just tell it to ask again another day. i don't want the answers. just the conclusuion. i've never really wanted anything. cause i knew that i couldn't have it. i always tried not to ask, though sometimes i failed. i never really wanted anything until it happened. and then i wanted to let it go, but on the other hand i really didn't want to lose them.

life has been a series of successes punctuated by losses. every gain taking twice as much away. i never expected a profit. never expected anything at all. i never even wanted to participate.

all those well meaning intentions. we all know what they say about them. it's what you're left with after. it's the only thing anyone wants, but they can't admit. it's not about passion. it's about lasting. it's not about success. it's about satisfaction. what does it take to let you lie in bed and not be kept awake. what in this life can possibly offer a reason not to hate it.

it was never about the passion. that fleeting sense of life everlasting. it's years from now. what you still need and want. that friend. that companion. that sense of reason against all doubt. it's not the beginning. nor the end. it's all that happened between. what makes it last when.

spoon feed me cliches and then apologize. it doesn't matter what you meant. good or bad irrelevant.

sadly i don't wish for you to be able to understand. happiness has already accepted you into its secret coven. just don't ever neglect. don't ever forget how lucky you are. don't take it for granted. embrace every second of it.