Dark Poetry Prose Poetry April 24, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

4-24-03 thursday 10pm brick NJ

i just sent you roses. more than i should have. i just sent you roses and i don't know why i did. it was a moment fleeting, but prominent. a burst of life in my heart. as if it still mattered. as if their blooming in your house could open up the closed buds of your heart.

i just sent them because the urge overtook me. and money doesn't always feel like an expense. and what we pay for the sentiments we share seems a bargain compared to what we pay for the ones that we neglect.

it's not the first time. it may not be the last. and you used to do the same, but i guess i didn't make it seem worth it. i guess as much as i claim to love my heart is still cold in many apsects. as much as i feel this love, there are crevices. their are spaces wehre it loses all perspective. and i might offend. i might accidentally push you away. but that's the last thing i'd ever want. that's the only thing i could reget.

near as you can find it in your heart to get i don't know that it could ever be near enough until you're right there inside me. as if you could stay there forever. as if we could become two halves of a better whole instead of these fractions of life that we try to affect.

i just sent you roses. two dozen wishes that you still might. two dozen buds of a love that can't explain. that can't ever be more than what i am. i just sent you roses because the urge suddenly came. you'll see them i can imagine and wonder what provoked. you'll see them and smile i hope. you needn't feel as i do. just feel a brief gladness overtake you and it will be enough. just know that i sent them not for an particular reason other than you're there. and i'm here. and i sometimes wish this relationship could bloom like those roses should. bright and bold and smelling sweetly in the center of your room. a surprise at your doorstep. a sudden smile to catch your lips. like my kisses once did.

i sent them, maybe for no reason that i can explain. just because the idea suddenly filled my heart. and so i went with the emotion. as i often do. i went with the feeling, forsaking the logic. knowing a million roses can't change us. knwoing red or yellow or white wouldn't make much difference. but i just had to send them none the less. i don't know why. it was just a beat of my heart that paused to remember when. logic tells me otherwise. but if nothing else, you'll smile. you'll feel the love i never can. if nothing else, they'll brighten your life for a while better than i ever have.