Dark Poetry Prose Poetry April 28, 2004 Dark Poetic Prose

04-28-04 wednesday 8:49pm

gripping your aloneness like a fevered lover. stroking it. it moans quietly above you as it pushes itself into you. filling that chasm in you with its presence. it thrusts into you and ejects its semen. to breed more of itself. to fill your body and your mind again.

it's not true. life is not what you make of it. it so often tends to make us. such a fertile breeding ground you have become for all that is dark and everything that is lonesome.

it's a cycle. hard to break. why even try to. it's an apparition hovering above your waiting grave. taunting you to lean in like the warm sweet smell of love's first inclination.

drain me. dice me. like canned fruit. vacuum packed and ready to consume. all swimming in the thick syrup of its own concentrated juice. all ripe and plump with peeled skin.

core me. chew me. like apples for baking. boil me. lay me inside the tender crust of your homemade pie.

cause i'm soft now. and skinless. i'm warm now. and in need of a blanket. i'm sugared and buttered and sticky. baked in a cold oven and served up in pieces.

sadness is foreplay. and suicide would be orgasm. if i could ever reach it.

write me. like i am not myself. that these words never knew. as if this heart is well.

push me like a pen across blank paper. forcing it to bleed whatever you so feel. lost in the grip of soemthing greater.

4-28-04 wednesday 9:49pm

you talk and i listen. you ask and i answer your questions. slowly together we create something. and you never know what's lurking behind it. how much every word is a lie. every breath a falsehood. like a child you believe in fairy tales of my happiness. the fragile triumph of princes over dragons. once upon a time. happily everafter. they bleed together in my heart. creating nameless rivers. tributaries to never.

how lost. how quiet can any one person be. in a universe of expanse that's contracting. every contradiction becomes real. how bruised. how purple must flesh be before it weakens. how hollow. how cavernous must a life be before it vanishes as if it had never been.

you request and i give. in my head there's no other option. you need and i submit. because that is love. when it knows who it is. when at last, it is aware of its own existence. that is love covered in its birthing fluid. staring at its placenta. that is the infant. who knows how it will grow. anf what it will become.

how tired. how still must i be to at last have life bypass. not noticed. overlook this being. how many words. hwo many hours. they count down like clocks that never expire. they record and mark without any empathy. they carelessly make videos of a life that moves unwillingly.

you live. you are. and then we meet. accidental collision. and there we lay in its wake. so much like victims, yet struggling not to be.

how hopeless. how impotent until nothing finally happens. like the bright dawn of forgiveness erasing all i've been.

you'll never know. how i use those moments to forget myself. giving just to watch it being taken. because every little bit that i give away puts me one step closer to having nothing left.

4-28-04 wednesday 10:18pm

how can i ever learn to live now. since after all these yaars i've never understood it. i've always been watching and wondering. but never really could.

i'm a butterfly without wings. meant to fly, but stripped of the privilege.

i'm night without a poet. meant to rhyme, but utterly silent.

how can i ever tell it that it could ever make sense. that a child never wanted life. and that child did grow into an adult of the same sense.

no. i've nothing to blame. nothing that i can recall. no. alone is not my sadness. it is my one and only place.

how can i ever claim to be, since i've always tried to avoid it. feeble carvings in the rocks of life dimish. hearts carved in tree trunks vanish as time grows new skins over them.

it's all i've ever wanted. all that i could hope for. not your love. not anyone else's. since they are passing fancies. flawed diagrams of human emotion. nothing i could ever trust. nothing i could ever lend myself to that much. it's never been love i seek. it's alway been death. love's fumes get me high now and then. but only death is lasting happiness.

i've always wanted to die. it's not you. it's not them. life implants its virttues and excesses in each and every person. i could live. maybe i should have to. as punishment. but i'll never want to. it just isn't worth it.