Dark Poetry Prose Poetry April 29, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

04-29-03 tuesday 9pm brick NJ

a sigh is all i've got. i'm sorry it isn't more. but then you've never needed a lot.

a song is all i can hear. though i know somewhere important words are spoken. or may be. or should be. but then again, you wouldn't ever speak them to me.

this is all i have. these words you wonder at how there can be so many. these phrases that change their meanings depending upon who is reading.

an afterthought is all i've ever been. a semicolon between two conflicting sentences.

this night my only real friend. this sadness my only steadfast companion. cause all the people. as much as any of them may have meant. may have said. none of them were ever there when.

the truth is all i can speak. even if sometimes my own words betray me. i can't lie. i can't pretend it isn't what it is. has always been.

i won't lie. i won't pretend that i'm not waiting for the world to end. well, my own at least if no one else's.

a sigh has always been the only kind of breath i've ever had. a shadow the only lover who's ever spent the night and showed up again. that is, until you. and you'll never understand what it means. how it feels. you took something dead and gave it life. even if you didn't have the time to tend to it. you took a photograph and taught it to move again. i wanted so much to do that same thing for you. i wanted it so much that i had myself convinced i could. but now i know better. i wanted to so much that i believed in the impossible. but now the earth has dragged me back down. i never meant anything except. i only wanted to love you. i guess i did. but just not good enough to.

i can't lie. i can't pretend that the only thing i'm thinking is, when i know it isn't. i will accept. as so i must. but i can't lie again. i can't act as if this is the beginning of, when it most certainly isn't.

not much is all that i have left. not much worth mentioning. words that rhyme might captivate some, but they don't affect you. imagery and metaphor may impress the less than gifted. but they have no impact on you. i don't have anything left. words are contrary. rhymes are tired. songs just lumber on in the darkness like trains without a station to stop. a single word is all i have left. a song on my breath that i could never sing. a promise love always intended should be kept. just love. just that. no rhyme. no reason. just forget. because it's not worth remembering. just goodbye. because hello never really let.

4-29-03 tuesday 9:33pm Brick NJ

i want you to know that my heart will always bleed for you. some wounds they don't heal. i want you to know that i don't regret a moment of. the blood is mine to collect. the pain is mine. as it's always been.

i want you to know that it's always been. never a day without a reason to die. or at least looking for one. but you made it different. i still remember. i can't forget. that brief pause when there were no reasons to die and every reason to live again.