Dark Poetry Prose Poetry May 1, 2004 Dark Poetic Prose

9:12pm 5-01-04 saturday

it occured to me as i was watching rome's slaves fighting for freedom. and eventually dying. how very brave they were. not only for the war they waged, but for how they challenged the mentality of an entire civilization. how they were told what they were, but refused to become.

me, i am a poet. i only just realized how much. not the words. or the rhymes. but the soul of such. i am a poet. i can only be this. wed to my sadness for better or worse. destined to die lost in her endless kiss.

it's all blank space whether or not you choose to notice. fill your stomach up it only empties itself again. fill your heart up with love. it's sure to be taken.

5-01-04 saturday 9:26pm

if time would only treat us as peers instead of slaves. maybe then we'd feel free. but freedom can't be given. it must be claimed.

if love would only listen instead of always asking. maybe then we'd feel we actually could. but love isn't won with words. it's found in surrender.

all my days. all my nights. they lead up to this. these musings. these contemplations are only preparation for. everyone dies trying. even in suicide they were still trying for happiness. not everyone knows this, but i do. and i must tell you it is so. that depression isn't always a disease. sometimes it's a symptom. that life inside us. we each are responsible for it. better to snuff it out quickly than to watch it suffer an endless death.

people can marry. and breed. and build their primitive legacies. just like animals. how do we differ from them. they have languiage. they have families. and humans too sometimes kill their young.

all you ask. i try to give. though i'm not always inclined to. in my world love is how much you can hurt until you cave in. unfortunately that isn't to my advantage. unfortunately that usually means a lot of sacrifices. i know i shouldn't do it. and that i don't have to, but i choose it. because i am a poet. love and all the sorrow that attaches is what makes me who i am. happiness long sinced ceased to matter. i just want to be able to die when i do, knowing i did all that i could.

10pm saturday 5-01-04

trenchcoat lovers. like private investigators you know are always there, but cannot find. a shadow is all it takes. touch is not required. in this brave new world we've built all feeling is transmitted through wires.

call me sunset. since that's just what i am. orange frown on the horizon. failing crescent of life. and i'll call you sunrise. triumphant surge of valiance against all that darkness. the circle of life ascending the sky. to almost touch heaven. just not quite. but someday eventually i would surmise.

it's just another month. a new name for the same days. i had meant to be your love, but i ended up your friend. i had meant to be so many things, but i am none of them.