Dark Poetry Prose Poetry May 6, 2004 Dark Poetic Prose

9:02pm 5-06-04 thursday

so now life does campaign in its own best interests. separate from the mind with which it shares this flesh. now is just this. cannot expect anything else. so why does it keep making requests. why does this heart not forget those who've long since forgotten me. is it ego? pride? no. just weakness.

every night i build a tower with a long and winding stairway that leads to its summit. where there's a single room locked up tight. my anger is the stones with which i construct it. and whatever it keeps up there is meant to be kept hidden.

i could listen forever even if not another word were said. just float on the sound of your breathing like a sailboat. your heartbeat the waves. your thoughts the wind. as i'm driven into the great expanse of. nothing on all horizons. memory rendered like soap from fat. from filth comes a means to cleanse.

everyday that i wake up i question. why it has happened. and worry that it will again.

life is just another addiction that eventually kills us. for some it does it slowly. for others it happens quick. life is just a scrapbook to collect sad pictures in. paste them together in a collage of what ifs.

05-06-04 thursday 9:25pm

find the screen through all that smoke. find the keyboard even with your eyes closed. indulge the moment and then watch it leave you just as ungrateful as when it came. trying to speak, all you can do is listen. nothing is real so long as you don't say.

birdfeeder lives coax all the hungry creatures out of their hiding places. with the promise of an end to that aching. but also the threat of being seen taking.

i've so much nerve until. isn't that always the case. i've every answer to every question until it's time to mark them. it's just like life to prove me wrong again. just like myself to make it happen.

if i had something better to say i surely would, but i've only these timid phrases. dim light against so much darkness. if friends are candles. then love is the flame which lights them. how much melts depends upon. depends upon so many other aspects.

can i give enough away without giving up too much. could you ever know all that i am and still feel inclined to love.

is it worth it. wouldn't it just be easier to let those shadows become my casket. roll myself up in them like a mummy's bandage.

i see everything. not just through my own eyes, but also outside of them. i see the world through dinghy windows. i feel people through thick panes of glass.

it was yesterday only a moment ago and then now wiped it all out. it could've been tomorrow if we'd only had the chance. but what good is tomorrow to any one of us, when it always teases. but never does.

10:35pm-06-04 thrusday

arbitrary thoughts roar in circuses of the heart. like lions not quite tamed. flying trapezes of yesterday.

i couldn't let it ring again. irrevokablely submit myself to that situation. but i can crack another bottle and overlook how much the same that is.

don't you ever wonder why life chooses us. with all those many options. how'd she ever select just one.

like catarpillars in pursuit of their cocoons. helpless tiny creatures strive to find their wings. how could we ever hope to be better than them when we still follow those same primitve directives.

i don't know if i'm alone because i chose it or if it's that i screwed up. i'm not sure if alone is better or worse. it must dpend on whom you have not to be alone with. and how much you think that's worth. it must all depend upon how alone is not. what makes it so. when comes the finally tally what you've got.

how shadows fall on hungry flesh. how what it craves defines it. how night does dwell in all of us, but doesn't surface unless. how time is both a savior and a villain. all that it offers has its limits. take it in the time alloted or else give it up.

admit that happiness is something you already owned. if not by possession, then at least by contract. admit that you know it all comes down to. and you're wise enough not to give that up. that happiness is a song. and cannot be played without the right instruments.

put me in change of your darkness and i'll tend it well. but. put me in that positiion and i'll adjust. hoist your satisfactuon high into the air like a flag. and question what is the mast. i think i know. but what's the difference. well, it was never me. it couldn't be. and that pretty much sums it up.