Dark Poetry Prose Poetry May 10, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

05-10-03 saturday 10:50pm brick NJ

i don't know what to say. maybe nothing is better sometimes. too much space. i can't forget it. can't overlook the fact. the friends i thought i had, they aren't. i'm too tired for pretending. too old to ignore the money that you're sending. i'm caught. caught between the greed and the pride.

it's too much to feel you there so far away. too much to forget how. send your tasks. send your checks and i'll cash them. for a job done. there's nothing left besides that. there's nothing left of the people we were.

if you choose to live for the dollar. if you choose to base your life upon the circumference of your success. who i am to judge. all i can do is fall back and watch. all i can do is sit here and wish you'd had different reasons. sadder now than before because you didn't.

i'll wish you the very best. all the success you could want. i'll say goodbye with a wisht ath everything you desire someday might be yours. but i can't love that. i can't trust it. it all seems so superficial. so wasted. a life feigning another empty satchel will somehow fill it.

i'll refrain from saying anthing further. i'll just go away as if i'd never been. it's too much. i can't watch it. you want to live that way. so be it.

5-10-03 11pm saturday brick NJ

time has nothing on us. and yesterday never knew. the space you keep grows ever more ominous. just tell me what you want. or what you don't. just tell me why it's been this long. or why it hasn't been. i'm not so in love that i can't think. hell, i've never been. i'm not so in love that the truth escapes me. it's not possible.

life has all kinds of ways to show us just who we are. who we'll never be able to be. and lvoe all sorts of reasons for why she takes us. why she breaks the very hearts she's meaning to befriend.

i never asked you to love me. i only asked you to be my friend. i nevver expected you to want me. i only hoped that we could help each other. that however alone we would become, we'd always have each other to come back to when.

but i guess that was just too much poetry and not enough reality. i guess that was just the verses thinking they were more than just words upon the page. happiness is for the beuatiful people. love is for the loved. and friendship is how much you can do for someone. we're not children anymore. and the older you get the harsher the definitions become. we don't have time to defend us anymore. so the bitterness starts to look better as the years ascend. there's no room in these lives for anything more than. there's no room in these tired hearts. i was a wrong to even try.