Dark Poetry Prose Poetry May 27, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

05-27-03 tuesday 9:47pm brick NJ

under the cool moonlight the world is pretty. beautiful until sunrise. in this cold summer everything is firmer. lies no longer bend. time no longer lends itself to us.

beneath the clutter of song and self-pity a life is struggling to live. gasping for breaths i cannot give.

it was long ago and it was far away when friendship still played against the colors of love. it was a few quick strokes and then the brush was dry when the portrait of life still looked alive.

the living take it for granted. and the dead fear it. one moment of agony for that sweet everlasting sleep.

i guess i've forgotten again. life outside the confines of wishes for death. i guess it never really left me. it only subsided. in truth, there was a fleeting reason i wanted to be alive, but it turned out to be a lie. in truth that reason was not strong enough to support all that i expected it could. looking back, it felt so good. but like the slow orgasm, it felt so right, but brighter burnt means only quicker to die. like a long orgasm you felt you'd burst before it could end. but then it left you suddenly on the verge of, needing much more than you ever have.

one tired line among so many more feeble than. one sorry life that no one can. metaphor and simile disguise more than a few tears. but i can't cry. i just write. i don't regret. i stay friends. or so they sometimes tell me. though it seems friends are not always that friendly. so i remember when. touch and kiss still felt more than this. so i just remember when friends went farther and lies were still hidden.

in all this time what could any heart expect. just to find it easier not to things you once could not resist. just to sti here in the darkness listening to and be able to let you. let you be there alone as i have. not really knowing that you are. hoping that you aren't. what more can time give besides this. just to make it easier to leave it be. just to think of all your possibilities and feel little reason wish.

05-27-03 10:30pm brick NJ tuesday

it's never enough just to write. words build a shakey bridge. it's not enough just to feel it. restraint pulls its noose tight.

it's too much to send. long emails make for longer gaps. it's too much to say. deeper thoughts dig deeper trenches.

you were gone long before i. i was never there at all. you'd left before i could even arrrive. you took comfort in an unsteady life. hoping. trying to make it so that it would always. broken things seek their cast. i didn't break you. but you used me to heal. i didn't break you, but you broke me.

the verses remember even when i try to forget. the heart reminds even when the mind tries. i could forget, but that would mean forgetting everything. and i could keep loving you, but that would mean losing me.

it never was easy. as simple as you tried to make it. it couldn't be. it was always so much harder than it ever claimed to be. it was always longer than. always without a tape to break at that distant finish line. break the ground. then break me. run the race. then run away from me.

i could've gone so many times. but further i fell into love with you. i could've said all the thoughts, but i didn't want to hurt you. time rides the carousel we've spun. no one's to blame. just a failing shadow of something i can't name.