Dark Poetry Prose Poetry May 28, 2004 Dark Poetic Prose

05-28-04 friday 7:30am

the shallowest pool is the easiest to drown in. since no one ever suspects.

and the deeper ones are of little threat. since they compel a body to swim.

if i dream you, are you still here. some dust of your presense that collected in my head. a small remnant of us i can keep always - no matter what.

the long nights are not a threat. those rivers of darkness so thick like gelatin. they hold me. they own me, but they do not let me sink. by their density i am suspended.

it's the shorter ones. thin like ink. and just as black. they flow and evelop me so rapid. staining my mind just as dark as.

05-28-04 friday 8am

if pain gives chase like rabbits' feet,
then we need only to detach them
to take that swift dark and easily
turn it into a lucky charm;

if love does fire like pistons
to propel the heart as an engine,
we need only turn the ignition
amd depress the accelerator,
to take this idle life and
find it a destination.

05-28-04 friday 9:14pm

ask me tomorrow. don't say anything tonight. just leave me in this flourescent state. buzzing with blue light. taking so long to die. the light gently fading over so much time.

why try to be what we never can. as if happiness is something i can grab. knowing full well, that anything i've ever felt is far outside of my command. why say we're friends when we're just people. just two people who have no one else to talk to.

why keep letting you make me smile only to have it taken away again. why remind myself of how you made me like life now that i know it can no longer happen.

there's so little left now. it's hard to look at those tepid remnants. there's so little left of what once was so much. and every day seems to make it even less.

ask me ten years from now. talk to my ashes. pose your questions to my urn. ask me then how i feel. if i'm happy. maybe then it will have happened.

05-28-04 9:50pm brick NJ

i'd say goodbye if i thought that i could actually go through with it. but i know my own weaknesses. cannot stand to make anything that permanent.

but i say goodbye silently every time. cut another chunk out of that friendship and throw it on the fire.

it's like walking when everyone else is driving. you see them. they see you. but they're moving so fast. and yourself so slow. it feels like life is something beyond your grasp.

and memory tells you stories, but they only make you want to cry. memory presents its evidence, but it's a mistrial.

what good are these friends, when i'm just as alone. what is the point to these friendships, if i don't feel any different. or maybe sadder still sometimes. watching them dwindle as they do. left remembering the dead. i'm tired of digging graves. when does the mourning end.

maybe it's just tonight, but anyone who knows me knows it's not. maybe it's just a mountain i'm climbing to find the top. but anyone who knows me knows what i'd do then.

5-28-04 friday 10:25pm

black cheek of night beckons my kiss. and i give in. knowing that all stages are quiet now. all scenes have ended. the actors have all left.

all my loves are suicide. all my lovers razor blades. and the friends that remain. tears i never should've cried.

watching the memories. reliving the hope. happiness a ghost above my grave. as this loneliness slowly suffocates.

this haunted heart only wishes to rest in peace. to really die at last and never again have to feel. to feel that euphoria that comes with. to watch it leaving. leaving me like this.

05-28-04 10:39pm friday

dying on a dime. what used to be a phone call. now it's just a cliche. dying like a dime standing on its thin side. waiting. yearning for gravity to take effect.

i'm still standing all this while. on such an unstable base. i'm on my weakest end. just waiting. waiting for gravity to show its strength.

dying on a dime. living on a nickel. life jingles like loose change in your pocket. wondering when if ever, you'll have a use for it.

and all those vending machine friends you drop yourself into. all you ever get is always stale junk food. nothing at all that's good for you.

i don't know what's left of us. just a fading sensation of having loved. i don't know what constitutes friendship. though we are friends, it sometimes feels like we'd be better off if we weren't.

as if alone is a bed that beckons when. i can crawl into it and forget that i ever imagined there could be anything other than. cause i need to forget. need so much to learn to love this solitude again. it makes me strong when other influences weaken. it's the only constant. and what's the use in wanting things you can never have.

05-28-04 11pm friday

they're just teeth. friction found. nothing more. high branches. that's all they are. leaves that belong there, but fear the ground.

i'm only thinking out loud. never asked. never had any kind of plan. was just trying to walk, but stumbling. falling down.

you've no idea what that's like. every step is a decline. every minute promises things it cannot provide. it's just life. how it wishes it could've been. can't blame it. just sit back and watch as the night descends.

because if i was dead before you came along there's no way that you could've made any differnce. nothing more than a ghost resisting fate. nothing more than the memory of having lived turning colors again. like so many reruns life does claim.

in time friends will not know why. why they never did. because it was love. and turning that into something less requires more than these feeble hearts can give. best still just to admit. to admit that we made a mistake. that we tried to ride the hurricane, but couldn't catch the waves.

much as these lives can try, there's nothing they can give that could fill the space they've been left with. much as each night tries to teach us, we'll never learn. and in truth, i don't want to get over it. if it isn't to be, then i'd rather just forget.

cause it's not worth the sacrafice. nothing is. none of what i've been left with. i'll love you still. i'll love just as i always have. but i can't do it like this. knowing that you can still feel it. it's so hard then. so hard to keep it to myself. to ask as if i'm that strong. like friends is all we've ever been. like firends are somting real. knowing that it's over. knowing that it never really began. just what i wanted. what you thought you had. the edge of a smile with a tear beside. the wake of dream just as.

i'm too old now to pretend that what i wanted to matter actually does. it's too hurtful now to believe that anything that could've meant was ever been real.

just go. go back to where. we never knew anyway. just go. go back. whatever we had doesn't matter. i'm nothing. never have been.