Dark Poetry Prose Poetry June 10, 2004 Dark Poetic Prose

8:45pm thursday 6-10-04

wading through memory. upstream. i really just want to let go and allow the current to take me. looking back i see us then. so much different from how we are now. no sappy emails. just good times. good sex.

maybe i'm oversimplifying. i could be just a little fixated. but i think it would be good for both of us.

ask me one more time what i'd like to do. and if i had the guts i'd just say... you.

or maybe even to just sit and talk a while. drink a few while floating on cool waves of calming music. rub your neck. your shoulders and back. do everything i can to make you forget all that stress.

i think of you then. and think of you now. and want so much to make it easier somehow. i want to be your sanctuary. you're escape from all those thoughts that weigh so heavy. i want to be your release. when everything else in your life is hard. i want to be your easy.

06-10-04 thursday 9:35pm

combustible as life has become. we burn, but.

it's hot again. warm and wet. like sweet memories when alone is the only one present.

and you feel as if you're standing at center stage. all eyes on you, but you don't know the act or the scene. don't even know who you're supposed to be or from which one of shakespeare's tragedies you should be reading.

the secret to listening is to know when to forget yourself. to let them be. like the sand to the ocean. let them move in and out seamlessly. one grain of sand by itself is nothing. but all together they give her something for which to reach.

i think those rules that people live by betray them more than they ever are friends. i often think that life isn't complicated. but we make it that way. with all our insecurities and questions.

if i could be that, would you allow me to? if all i want is to be just this. a haven. to shelter you inside myself now and then. would you believe. would you let me?

if i say that the future isn't something i've ever wanted from you or anyone. would you trust that this could be enough. that i don't want to be your everything. i just want us to help eachother. to smooth the wrinkles. to steal a few moments of peace. every now and then. how could that be wrong. not to forget everything else that matters, but just to occasionally lessen the burden.

i never wanted more than this. not forever. just comfort. to be comforted, but also to comfort. to feel love. but also to give it. not to take you away from what matters. just to offer a pause in all that play. to keep the tape from breaking.

that's what i miss. what i long for now. as i listen to your grief. all i want to be be able to do is make you forget it. for a little while at least.

what could be wrong about that. for two people to find solace in each other. is it better still that i should just sit back and watch you suffer? is it really better that way. when i want more than ever to again be your lover.

why'd we stop. i don't remember now. what was so wrong about. maybe it should make sense, but i don't see how.

06-10-04 9:45pm thursday

don't you know anything at all what my love is. true, it's about wanting you, but there's so much more.

did you think for one minute that i wanted to take you away from what you already had.

all i ever wanted was to be that secret cave. just a hideaway where we could ignore life for a little while.

never wanted to take you from. but everyone needs a vacation.

never wanted you not to go back to. on the contrary, i know that you should. live your life six days of the week. and for one of them let me take you away from the tedium. live your life with them. as you should. but once in a while, let me take you away from yourself. ease your burden. let you forget how hard it sometimes is.

i'm not a saint. i need it too. but i don't just want to receive. i want to give to you.

i'm not completely selfless. i want things too. but i know that we share this need. this ability. to find sanctuary in each other. to leave alive behind just long enough to be able to return to.

i don't believe it's wrong. and i don't understand why you do. you're married to that life. and i accept this. but we need eachother. let me make it easier for you. let me remind you how to love life again. together. like we used to.

6-10-04 thursday 9:53pm

time deferred is worse still yet. lapping at shallow pools as your thirst remembers when they were so much deeper yet.

if time only knew what she does to us, i wonder then, would she relent. doubtful but, it might be worth the risk to follow her path. to discover the secrets of her ascent.

just what i had always hoped to be. and tried to, but you wouldn't let. too many human reasons defiled the happiness we once did clutch.

if your life is hard, i'll try to make easy, but you have to allow me that chance. if you need a rest i'll try to give you that. but you have to allow me the ability to offer that.

if i ever wanted anything from you it was only just how it made me feel to make you feel good again. how wonderful it was to be the sunrise when you thought the sun had already set.

if i wanted anything at all, it was just that feeling of being a part of your contentment. nothing more. nothing less.