Dark Poetry Prose Poetry June 13, 2004 Dark Poetic Prose

9:29pm 6-13-04 sunday

some roads go through to bigger ones. others have no outlet. it's hard to tell until you reach the end.

when i'm walking all alone. feeling so conspicous as so many cars speed along the road. i wonder what i'm out there for. why they are too. all those people gong places. wonder who they're going with. or to. wonder if someone is waiting. and if so who.

my feet just take me in circles. all these little journeys never produce a destination. so many people. so many cars. all going somewhere. all puzzling at that lone girl as she walks.

how can anyone travel so far alone. twenty nine years of looking and still no place to go.

6-13-04 sunday 9:54pm

broken light. fracturing through leaves and glass. tall trees goading windows as summer sweetly teases.

if it's empty, well, then fill it up. if it's broken mend. toss your questions into life's wishing well and wait for pennies from heaven.

bordering on the shoulder of life. sucking on life's tailpipe. if it's poison i will swallow. if it's flammable i will ignite.

cause i could. i know this. go out to find. but i'm not wanted. i don't belong. i could pretend. fake it for a while, but i'm not prepared to deal with that much disappointment again.

i'm just sneakers losing their soles chaffing the pavement. gathering distance like other lives gather moments. moments that make it worth the stress. i'm just a clock ticking toward forever knowing it'll never see it. doesn't want to. no other purpose. just counting. just existence.

listening to songs that other people sing. unable to sing along. swaying to other people's music. because this symphony of mine is so lonesome. just a lonely drummer beating worn out skins.

just combing hair that keeps on tangling. answering phones that never listen. i don't want to be alone. but i don't know what choice there is.

6-13-04 sunday 10:12pm

isn't it now that teaches tomorrow how. what it will love and what it will forget. like apples in an orchard turning from green to red. tender branches leaning down into waiting baskets.

i just want something to need. something to need me. i've all kinds of happiness if only i could find a place to keep it.

but it doesn't respond. like notes that sing, but never listen. it weeps its sullen notes, but the paper is already covered in. so much ink. no room for further scribbles. it has ears with which to hear itself, but nothing else.

it's only pain that praises itself so much. so afraid to admit that there a million other things it would rather love. because nothing ever has. and certainly nothing ever will. ugly as it is. it knows this.

it's not hard to love yourself when no one else does. what other choices. it's not hard to rhyme when everything else doesn't. build a beautiful reflection in vesre. and pretend it's possible anyone else could see the same image in your words.

as if flesh could melt away and hearts could be all we have left. as if somewhere in the world there are people like yourself. who see the person. not the appearances that confine them.

6-13-04 sunday 10:35pm

your little conversations. your cliche speeches. i know what you fear. and there's no need. no matter what, i seek no vegeance. there's no happiness to be found in the destruction of someone else's.

your lame attempts at. your half-hearted sentiments. i realize why you're afraid, but there's no need. there's no satisfaction to be gleened from someone else's pain.

so i wasn't enough to hold your interest. you're not the first. so it ended again with me holding the shorter stick. so what. i never expected anything other than this.

there's no need to pretend that. you're not evading my vegeance. there's none i ever wish to take.

i'm not charmed by your good intentions. either way your world is safe. so don't waste your breath.

6-013-04 sunday 10:47pm

windows black confess. instead of looking out upon, in they do reflect. just one person lost behind their stare. venture outside every so often only to find that it's no better out there.

i wish i could understand why it's happened how it has. why love has so many conditions. why happiness has so many restrictions. i know i'll never know. never have. i don't mind. just don't want to watch all that time pass.

i knew it was over when. still remember the day when hope collapsed. when it became clear that life had other plans.

i'm not asking for anything. except the chance to finally find happiness. honestly, i never wanted this to be the way. but i didn't create the secnario, i just found myself in it.

i don't want to spend my life alone. wishing that i could have. it's not that i'm unwiling to try. it's jsut that i know all that makes it useless.

if i could, you've no idea how much i would. i didn't choose it. it just happened. all my life i've sought happiness, and every single time i thought i'd found it, it let me down. all my life i've tried to believe it wasn't hopeless, but was always contradicted.

i'm dead. this body just doesn't know it yet. i'm buried. the dirt's still settling but, it's much deeper than six feet. it's so much deeper than i ever imagined.