Dark Poetry Prose Poetry June 15, 2004 Dark Poetic Prose

6-15-04 tuesday 8:40am

just a moment of weakness. yes and no. weak true, but they all are. each and every one of them

strength, i don't even know what it means. is it how much weight you can lift. or more for how long you can carry it. is it the mother who gives birth. or the father who holds her hand as. is it found in the running the race or only in the victory lap?

just a moment of weakness. that's all they've ever been. one chasing the next. powerless to stop themselves.

06-15-04 9:08pm tuesday

just because a person is able to survive their current circumstance, it doesn't mean they should have to live that way. even though cactuses require little water, still when they are thirsty it ought to be quenched.

hammer not the nail, but the candle instead. put out that flame at any expense. cuz its light is such temptation. its warmth so hard to not want.

turn the page. let it make that cut. not to bleed anything out, but just so that you'll remember how felt its touch.

sleep alone. or sleep beside. marking the difference only by how much blanket you're under.

build a world in metaphors and surreal images that satirize real life. distorted reflections of memory are easier to look up without the need to cry.

just because i can, doesn't mean i should have to. just because it takes weeks to die without food, you wouldn't want anyone to have to live like that.

6-15-04 tuesday 9:23pm

the shadow the pen makes as it approaches the page. it's almost as if the images are there within it. they just want me to bring them into focus.

like how the future sometimes taps you on the shoulder. gives you a nudge in the right direction. it doesn't tell you what will happen. only that something will if you turn left at the next intersection.

we were talking and he told me i should write a book. obviously unaware of my short attention span. i would like to, if i could. create something a little more substantial than.

i told him he shouldn't take things so seriously, knowing i myself am guilty of. only reinforcing how nice intentions are, yet not nearly enough.

i always wonder why. what his motivation is. what could i possibly add to that life that it doesn't already have. it seems so full. i worry i am pushing its limits.

if the flower dances when no one's looking. shadows and light deftly move what itself it can't. if the flower dances when no one's looking, is it happy or is it just a trick of circumstance.

as how bikes once ridden get so dusty. cause there are so many roads and i've so little energy. i'm still required to keep on breathing. and that takes all the strength i have.

06-15-04 tuesday 10:10pm

where to now. all roads clearly marked. no outlet. and closed. shall we just linger here. see how that chafes this skin. how long until bones begin to show again.

weakness. what does that mean. just poor excuses. strength being so much an illusion.

be they memories lit by romantic candle's light. or the kind that writhe in poet's darkness. they are gone now nonetheless. very much having happened, but never to again.

be they brothers or sisters, they're siblings still the same. be they wives or lovers they still feel the same ache.

i was supposed to be someone who never would. i was supposed to, but i did. it wasn't supposed to matter at all, but it does.

thank you for answering. that's what he sometimes says and i don't understand because it's me who ought to be thanking him for calling. for still calling after all that's happened.

like baby's breath to accentuate a dozen roses. it's essential to the arrangement, but still the backdrop. if it's not there it's missed. but when it is there, it's hardly noticed.

i thought that i wanted your love, but then i realized that wouldn't benefit either you or i. all these years i thought i was looking for a reason to live, when all along i had actually been looking for a reason to die.

11pm 6-115-04 tuesday

when time allows, how easy then is it. to emrbace that quiet. to suck on its nipple like a hungry infant.

what i thought i wanted then, was just that. then, not now. what i want now being all together different.

there's only just a slender margin between want and need. what you must remember is want is a choice. and need is just a side effect.

letting go, is never easy. but it happens. even without our consent it does.

letting go, i never implied i knew how to. but i guess that doesn't matter since choice has little to do with.

it's not that i want more than i had. never did. never will. oh, but how i miss how good it felt not thinking about any of this. just lost in the forgetting it.

your voice burns like shadows into my skin. filing holes that never knew they existed. your efforts are not forgotten. quite the contrary, i remember all of it.

it all seems now just a hunger that cannot be fed. dead animal skins flattening as the life is scooped out of them.

it all seems like a war that can never be won. no side wrong. no side right. just so many unanswereable questiions.

be there when you can and i'll not forget that you have. but forgive me my wekaness when. there's nothing that i want. but so much that i wish we could've been.