Dark Poetry Prose Poetry June 20, 2004 Dark Poetic Prose

06-20-04 7:58am sunday

to you i was just a stray kitten that you were hoping with a little encouragement would grow into a cat. true, i was looking for shelter and warmth, but i am not that.

i cannot tally the casualties. there are far too many. but i can count the survivors. that is easy. there are none.

it cannot be easy to be anyone. but there may or may not be enough reasons to put forth the effort. something to mark the difference between whether it's beaten you or if you've won.

when the sun has risen. and the night is dead again. i see its grave no longer so fresh. the plot where my future lay buried. the heavy stone which confirms its death.

and when the sun has set and the night holds me close i feel it then. that shaky bridge that beckons me to cross it. over those murky waters of the unknown into that deep, rich forest of shadows and ghosts.

06-20-04 sunday 9:26pm

curled up thoughts. sleep in the fetal position. knees to chest. to make themselves as small as they possibly can. to keep the softest spots protected.

why try to reconcile the feelings when it's easier still to just ignore them. pull the shades down and pretend there's nothing outside. that the world is barren. because really, it is.

we all are architects and demolition men. constantly building our castles and tearing them down again.

but me, i just build stairways. stairways that never reach heaven.

06-20-04 sunday 9:40pm

now i've nothing left to covet. failed again. less than adequate.

now i've nothing left to grieve. except myself. longer days are not longer to me. different colors in the sky. that's all they are. my clock keeps its own time. my clock has stopped counting. needs to be wound again.

i never would've guessed way back when that i found my first rhyme that it would come so far as this. never would've imagined that all these years could've happened and that i'd still be writing them down. foolishly making memory so permanent.

so many are forgotten. some times it was so easy. when most it shouldn't have been. i don't understand how hearts strum out their chords. i don't know how to play them. only how to listen.

hurt me all you want and i'll just forgive. shame it's that way, but that's who i am. hurt somone i love and i'll never forget. it's maybe not the best way to live, but it's they only way i can.

now i've nothing to wish. denied again. it was answered, but the answer was no.

now i write wondering what there is left to bother with. compelled to be poetic because it gives my life definition, but wondering if it's genuine. am i really that. or just unable to make the transition.

every night rings the doorbell and then gets tired of waiting for me to undo all of the locks. i go to sleep. crawl into bed like a worm burrowing under the moist soil of the earth. hoping just before i lose consciousness. always hoping it will not return.

06-20-04 sunday 10:45pm

these passed two weeks just being me, havne't really been enough. i don't want to live. just want to be. a flag on a pole just flapping in the breeze.

people fade and so do dreams of them. people forget you. and you lay in bed wsihing that you could also forget them.

cause the night always knows me better than i'd like her to. like some phantom friend. and yet still more real that those made of flesh.

cause love is a hunter and so you must be willing to be the prey. let it sinks its teeth deep into your neck. only i could never be that helpless. could never allow someone else to win.

i know i'm only living to die. have always known that. it's just sunrise and sunset until you can't stand the thought of it. i'm only alive cause it matters to them. i guess i shouldn't care how they feel. since they don't care how i do. maybe i shouldn't care at all how they would feel if. since they dont't care how hard this is.

why survive? why sirvive? i don't understand. your reasons. why try when trying only begets more challenges. why try. why try at all when trying's always led to this?