Dark Poetry Prose Poetry June 23, 2004 Dark Poetic Prose

06-23-04 wednesday 9:40pm

not tonight. i'd rather not. and with that said. leave me to drown in the splendor of loud songs and muted voices. words that appear silently as the keys caress my deepest dreams.

not tonight. nor tomorrow either. and with that said. let us both know that we've found the end. since yesterday was only fairy tale. and neither prince or princess are we ever to be. since the progression of time has revealed how much less it is to be.

not in the morning. nor the afternoon. not in the evening especially. since that's when most it begs to be soothed. and the last thing that i need are penny conversations. the last thing that i want to collect are your pennies. it takes so many to equal anything substantial. and it's such a tedious task to count them. roll them up for redemption.

who ever would've thought that i'd be the one letting go. certainly not i. but you made it so easy. since i never really had anything to hold.

i never wanted to believe that so much could become so little. i still don't understand it, but i accept. i don't have a choice. i never did.

and with that said, all i can do is swallow. like every bitter beverage, eventually your tastebuds become accustomed. at some point during the process what once was foul begins to taste good. it's just the nature of a life. whatever it is fed to much, it comes to love. no matter how terrible it tastes in the beginning. eventually it will taste good. no matter how repellent. in time, it will become your favorite treat.

06-23-04 10:06pm wednesday

is it pity? or just some lost connection you can't quite release? what makes you call when there's no need. what coaxes you to read when there are no words there that you'll ever understand.

is it pity? is it guilt? do your stalwart morals still assume.

why say hello only to say goodbye so shortly after. just to see that i'm still alive. evenso, why should you care. what difference could it make in your life.

i'm no longer inclinded to either love or hate. so you're free to draw those bridges as you see fit. you've nothing to lose but the threat of too much traffic.

there's no reason anymore to cross. to try to reach places that have long since locked their doors. i really do love you enough to leave you be whether or not you believe it. you don't owe me anything. and there's nothing left for me to want.

why waste your time. why cheat yourself of minutes that could be better spent. why say hello only to have to say goodbye again. it hurts more than it ought to now. why live in these shadows when there's still light present.

go to the sunrise. welcome it. there's no need to see if i'm still alive. it shouldn't matter anyway. but if it makes it easier, i'll let you know when i am dead.

why coax another goodbye with your hello. just to hurt again. just to feel like there's a reason to say it when there really isn't. why pretend that there's any kind of pot of gold still left at the rainbow's end.

what once were roses, now we've only thorns left of them. why try to pretend they can do anything but hurt us.

06-23-04 wednesday 10:14pm

i could remember again, but why would i. chase the ghosts of happiness as if they can be captured. as if they really belong to the dying.

maybe in your world two minutes lasts a lot longer than it does in mine. perhaps in your world those few minutes we've shared read like a lifetime.

but i just don't have an answer when the night starts questioning again. and i don't have any voice when you expect me to speak again.

it's not that simple. maybe it ought to be, but it's not. you shatter soomething so big into these little fragements and someone's bound to get cut.

you want it to be all right, but it's not for you to decide. you chose your road, so drive. drive far away from here. cause all i can do is idle.

you just want me to be all right after the fact. to know that it's not your fault. well, i can tell you that it isn't. you want to know that i'm still alive. yea, i still am. and in reality my life or death has nothing to do with you and me. you've never had that kind of power. so don't worry yourself wondering.

there are all kinds of love. first ones that make all the rest of the world fall silent. and second tries that you hope will not betray. and thirds they come all soaked in shadows. and it's then that you know, there's no such thing. only what you're willing to sacrafice.

those moments do no good. they only underline all that's gone. those moments are not comfort. they just remind me of how long it's been since the last time that it felt like it mattered when. i don't need your pity. i don't need your guilty friendship it. if that's all you have to give, i want none of it.

if that's all we have left. then left's just leave it.