Dark Poetry Prose Poetry June 24, 2004 Dark Poetic Prose

7:27am 06-24-04 thursday

i'm not about to write again like what is read or by whom has any kind of impact. i can't sit here, perched upon this seat and pretend that it will ever again be filled by anyone else but me. or that the ghost it last did hold was anymore real than previous phantoms.

if old habits ask more now because new ones offer less. my only decision is how readily i will let.

if you're still waiting for me to heal. feel good again. then you're more a stranger than i'd ever guessed.

thursday 06-24-04 9:37pm

feel me as i feel you. when i never expected. dawn's against the darkness. sailboats imagining they are ships.

fighting myself. fighting the thought of it. benedict arnold emotions giving my secret straetegies away to the british.

and it is indeed freddom for which i fight. as war dictates. it is freedom which i desire. freedom from myself and all the things to which this heart aspires.

there's no need to forget you when remembering gives off such a sweet scent. there's no need to hate when love still weaves in and out of the lanes heart ache has lent.

all i wish is that friends were more. more than just tepid conversations. yes, i'd like to know you that intimately again, but i accept your decisions.

all i now can wish is for a crutch more supportive. i know you've tried. i know you had good intentions. and i don't deserve it. but i miss you. miss your face. that smile upon it. i only hope that it still happens even if i can no longer see it.

11:11pm 6-24-04 thursday

so is that what you're waiting to see. eiether my submission or my recovery. it's no use. you'll never find either one. they fluctuate as waves against the sand. there is no constant. only for how long i can laugh at.

still i find myself wishing that you could love me again. like you used. that it could be as safe as you once thought. that we could spread out into eachother's arc and see no other rainbows.

but even still. whatever. just take care.

but even still. whatever. just don't forget. maybe it's nothing now, but it was still something then.

there's so much better. damn, i know this. so much better i don't want to and can't object. just don't be fooled. don't be fooled by the less. as it often disguises itself as the more. whatever i was, that's over now. but that doesn't mean it doesn't matter. don't be fooled. don't be fooled by so called friends.

so maybe i was too late. too late to mean anythig other than. and it's no one's fault. just life pretending it know how to live.

but none of that matters. you still are you. and i still am me regardless.

i'll miss you when your're not there and love you when you're present.

but most of all i'll wonder. wonder how much you've let those friends take advantage. cause i know you're that loryal. that kind. so that they could. and i know just how selfish friends can be. that they'll use every sensistivity that you offer them.

you'll keep burining. i know you will. like a candle that can't be blown out. you'll still be aflame when all else is darkness. and all i can do is to miss that light. to wonder and to wish could still see it. so bright.

i don't deny what i feel. just try to deny myself what i want from it.

of all the ways there are to change this by far was the hardest. cause i thought i knew all that i needed to. and i was wrong again. cause i thought you would be an easy solution, but you were the hardest yet.