Dark Poetry Prose Poetry July 1, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

7-01-03 tuesday 10:40pm brick NJ

when and where. if ever. does it happen. life. living. not wondering when. not blue moons tugging on black oceans. not waves punching bruised beaches. when. if ever does it happen. happiness. satsifaction. a reason why we want to live. not a belief. not a faith. something real to take to bed.

i'm no one to say. my vices far outweigh my contributions. i don't claim to know. my mistakes stand taller than my corrects. but it's a pattern. not who we are. not where we've been. just traces of human dna across an expanse far greater than. it's a scent. a dream i can't remember when i wake up. depression feeding on even the strongest.

answers are not my forte'. questions have always come much easier. but wherein life does life actually exist? what marks that border between the living and the listless?

you tried to care. or at least tried to convince me that you do. i commend your efforts. i salute your ego for all its intolerance of anything that threatened it.

you meant to care, it just didn't want to happen. but i appreciate every effort you made. i know it wasn't easy. i know how much it detracted from your solitude and profit.

july hearts don't seem to be drawn to september ones. thoough we are lost in them. july is hot and sticky sweet. but september tends to be much cooler. much less inviting. and who could blame anyone for not being able to love such a place.

i know i'm not easy to know. even harder to tolerate. but you're no bed of roses. i guess it all comes down to feelings. and no one among us can control them.

if i blurt out that i love you i'm not looking for obligatory replies. if those words cheat their way passed my lips it's not because i'm seeking a lie that you feel it.

it's just that friend. i thought you wanted to be it. but jealousy. male ego. whatever it is, seems to prevent it. i try to be, but you seem to have different rules for your own behavior, than you do for mine.

it's not a worry. since. since people aren't something that i'm given to impress. but you know, it kinda stung. i wanted your advice, but yoou were more concerned with how your territory had been invaded. in case you hadn't noticed. i'm not a plot of land in which you can plant your flag. i'm a person.

i honestly didn't think it would bother you. i just wanted your perspective. but i guess i should've known your perspective consists solely of what you can get from me and how anyone else in my life my be a threat to that interest.

perhaps when you're ready to actually be a friend you'll still want me around. but if not, i understand. i'll be there for you regardless because i am just hat stupid. because unfortuately i love you that much.

no matter what other suns may rise. no matter how change the colors of these lives. it's not something that time can alter. i may get used to your absense. to your indifference. but that doesn't mean that i love you any less.