Dark Poetry Prose Poetry July 2, 2004 Dark Poetic Prose

8:20am 7-2-04 friday

sex and web pages. pleasure and profit. two people. one ache.

it's like billiards. different colored balls on the table. various pockets to sink them in. the only question is. which one are you. you could be the cue ball telling all the others what to do. maybe a stripe or a solid. just one of the crowd. or you might be the eight ball. all black and sitting alone after all the other ones have found their home.

sex and web pages. friends in your bed. well, not anymore, but it's still lonesome sometimes to lay there without them.

8:59pm 7-02-04 friday

it's an end unfinished. darkness almost, but not quite. razor edged minutes slicing the hours into ribbons. it hurts even when it shouldn't. because it's over again. because it hardly had the chance to live before we killed it.

sing to yourself as the songs confess. naked warriors in a battle to the death.

forget me not, but even so. may as well have. because i know not. i feel nothing except this emptiness as it continues to grow.

love you still, even as it tends to mean less and less. love you still. because it's too late to undo.

this mess i've made. i'd rather jsut stare at it than try to clean it up. this mess i've made of myself. and all else. i just stare at it. cause for all its frail intentions, it's somehow beautiful. though it makes me uglier yet, it's so fragile. such sweet things come from such dark places. i can't kill them, even if, they'd be better off dead. i can't kill them. even if they're suffering. i'll wait awhile. then i'll see. if it's still squirming. if there's still a cause to even think.

it's music. it's rhythm. sinking like a dancer being consumed by the stage. it's life as it so happens. catapults of desire hurled their frowns at my face.

it clings like static. moves like sahdows. and eventually i relent. give the night away to the minions of acceptance.

for all that i still remember seems a parody now. whatever love has ever been inclined to offer. for all the friends i can gather, alone still surrounds.

9:21pm friday 7-2-04

graves that dig themselves. with shovels made of loneliness. soil soft and moist with all the tears it has hidden.

graves do show now as darkness encroaches. deep and ambivalent. it knows not yet if it is to be a nightmare or a dream. that is undecided.

i never lost a single one of them. just let them go. as they chose. they'd float in and out like phantoms. and eventually would vanish.

i never thought that, but i always wondered if. how sharp the blade. how strong the drug. that it could take me away from all of this.

i never sent a single one of them away, but i had to let them leave. like branches in the wind releasing.

can't hold onto what's already gone. can only watch it float away. and wonder where it'll land. can only wonder why and never ask.

cause there are some questions better left unanswered. i don't want to know why they leave. i don't want to know why it never lasts. it hurts more than enough without having to know that.

7-02-04 friday 9:51pm

undo me now. like laces tied. release the knot and slip easily out.

it's just the weekend. that's all it is. dog-eared pages i'd rather not read again.

undo me like. like you always have. cut the string on this kite. give it away to the wind.

cause you don't know me. you never did. not because you couldn't, but because it wasn't worth the effort.

it's just friday night. how transparent its skin. all those veins show. all those needles want to kiss them.

undo me now. cause i'm coming undone regardless. all i can do is watch you leaving and wonder how you make it look so easy. cuz it's so hard on me.

cut the cord. force me to breathe on my own again. i will even if i don't want to. it happens. i won't forget, but i'll earn to live with the remnants. just like i always have.

it's just time making its perforations in these pages. waiting for us to tear them off. submit those invoices. make those payments.

but i feel so bankrupt. and i don't know what else it can take from me.

maybe tomorrow will have an answer. soemthing more than this night can seek.

cause it's all nothing now. and i hate to look at it. cause it's the end i always saw coming, but wouldn't acknowledge. and now i'm left hating msyelf for how i tried to avoid. now i wish i had just listened. then it might not hurt this much. then nothing might've been enough. like it once was.

i'm clean now, but feel so dirty. because they're all gone and they don't want me. because it's so apparent there's nothing here anyone could need. i could throw those stones, but it's no use. any windows i would break would only prove.

i've lost. i will always lose. someone has to.