Dark Poetry Prose Poetry July 2, 2005 Dark Poetic Prose

07-02-05 11:36am saturday

what once then became. filling in. from gash to only scrape. awkward poise. if such could exist. another leaning tower defying physics.

are you anything? rose water saliva. real by design or owning to what you are swallowed by.

circumstancial. heat derived from manic pistons. or the spark which.

flowing as does life's bitter wine. impatient and determined. whether kept under the skin or.

truth's welcome mat. it scrapes the mud from its shoes across my back. then steps inside and locks the door.

leaving me there at the entrance to. covered in the foulest of its wisdoms.

07-02-05 saturday 9:45pm

busted. like an interrupted dream. darkness smothering open eyes. close them. don't look at what you see.

while it's looking back. staring at me.

busted open. in reds and greys franctically mixing. winter. summer. chasing. becoming eachother. in a dance that never ceases.

let her go. she wants it. though, still she wants to be held.

she's an autumn leaf if ever there was one. born in september. born willing and able to fall.

into the change of. into the not knowing how. how anything ever lasts in this world. or why it would want to.

choosing goodbye rather than to be chosen by it. it makes sense to me. in that nihilistic context.

life seems to want her. to desire her presense. though she remains unattracted. it's a shame. but not unexpected.

just because we're given life, doesn't mean that we wanted it.

07-02-05 10:50pm saturday

now it's older. than you can stand. like every memory you collect. it shivers away like water in your hand.

now it's you. when then it was us. in that skeptical sense of hoping change could happen even when you had no intent.

now i've learned. better than i had wanted to. and i've become so similar. because life is infectious. in the worst sense.

i think sometimes i never loved anyone. just wanted it to happen. i wonder sometimes if they ever did. why they would. given the choice.

i wanted more than anything to save you, but i couldn't even save myself. i wanted just for you to know alone wasn't your destiny. or at least that i'd try to change it. if you'd let me.

but the lion roared. and ran off to the hunt. and there i layed beside the carcass of what last it'd fed on.

07-02-05 10:59pm saturday

i don't think love is the answer. i don't think there even is an answer.

too old. too young. what does it matter.

after all the rhetoric, it's the same.

none of this has mattered. or ever will. because we're alive. crippled to it. because we're flesh. wanting to. but unable.

we're shedding skin. crawling out of. hoping that this day will actually be new.

knowing all too well, nothing could be further from the truth.

love isn't the answer. it's just all puffed up with its own agenda.

love isn't the answer. maybe nothing is.

if only we could decide. what it means. what we want it to.

i'd rather be dead, but here i am alive with you. so tell me now, what do you want. what am i to do.

i'd rather be dead. but i listen for the the footsteps of. thinking that time has plans it really doesn't.
thinking that i once knew you.