Dark Poetry Prose Poetry July 5, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

7-05-03 saturday 10:47pm brick NJ

life is full of choices. and decisions waiting to be made. lives are full of questions. and answers they can't tame.

alone has always been my closest confidante. my steadfast companion. no one knows. or if someone does i've never met them.

it's easier to suspect. trust only leads to regret. it's safer to be indifferent. feelings are volatile. friends aren't permanent. though the memory is. though every minute still exists in every beat of my heart that pushes the blood through my veins. not all scars are visible on the flesh. not every emotion can be rendered poetic.

i asked a question and it led to this. i don't know what this is. something more than nothing. a little bit less than perfect.. but isn't everything. a life that is not my own much too close. a person who belongs with someone else.

you've no idea the ways in which. all the times that. always the same result. when it gets like this i can't even write. when it gets too close i have to build a defense.

if it comes as a surprise that i can't believe i could find a friend in you. if it insults. if it offends. that was not my intent.

i'm just too old to trust. too young not to need love.

and friends. they are a totally different kind of demon. the next one stronger with each one that you think you've beaten.

i'm not a poet. not anymore. too tired. too miserable to even be that. i once was a peot. but those rhymes now taste so bitter. i seek the keys. hunt the words. but it used to be that they'd come to me. i touch the night, but it recoils. the stench of sadness so strong. so repellent.