Dark Poetry Prose Poetry July 5, 2004 Dark Poetic Prose

07-05-04 10:10am monday

be it morning, noon or night, i see only the faintest difference in the colors of the sky. nothing at all remarkable about the changes. litlte if anything to convince. where lives do tread they do so alone. with their hearts in their palms and their sorrow in their throats. where flesh races time down the roads she has paved for us, we run not to finish first, merely in pursuit of.

be it not what is absent that does bay like wolves at the moons in the soul. no, not what is absent. nor what is lost. but rather what is left ever-present. that such great abundance of darkness.

07-05-04 10:05pm monday

the night moves like a curtain closing. speechless actors frozen in the end of their lines. a muted audience hesitant of when to applaud.

draw closed the dark in a sweep of thick black fabric. smother the tired monologues of humans masquerading as friends.

i could run away from all of this if i were to run right at this moment. though i'd rather just have it all end. either way, i could let go of all of them. it's easy now since i've been abandoned.

to believe in such a thing as someone else's love. has always seemed a prospect very naive. but i never could help what i felt. i never believed in a single one of them. but i just couldn't stop myself. i never loved anyone of them because i thought that they loved me. i just did. never wanted to. but couldn't stop it.

the night moves like a curtain closing on an act unfinished. i'm always yearning for an end it refuses to give. it's always intermission. there's no closure. just always waiting. waiting for the end.

i once had friends. but not for a long time now. i lost them because of love. so it's no wonder i don't trust it. i once had friends. but love took that all away. love never gave me anything. all it's ever done is take.

07-05-04 monday 10:55pm

i'm eager now. eager like a hungry hawk in flight. i'm eager so much. like roads to beaches heavily trafficked. and the gulls fed by their garbage.

eager as a reality show contestant. in love with themselves and the value's aspect. in love with the exploitation and the cameras that perpetrate. in love with being loved and falling into it. in love with life itself. so much so that win or lose, they'll be back for the sequel if asked.

i'm eager like that, though not for the same reasons. i'm eager to leave. to find an escape. to take these habits. all these things they say will kill me and make them prove.

i'm eager to forget anything i've ever felt. how my own heart has always betrayed me. cause i never believed any of those people, but i thought i could trust myself. turns out even i was my enemy. turns out winning is relative. and losing has a lot of stipulations.

i'm eager to tell myself that none of it was worth it. that i have the same amount of friends i did when this all started. none. nothing has changed except the memories i've collected. the words i've written because. all just fiction borne in wakeful hearts. nothing real. just like tv. reality misled. just like novels. novels i would've written if i hadn't been so busy living them. not real. just metaphors and similes. not real at all. just lust pretending.

it's no surprise you can't look upon me now. cause in your heart you're a good person. and so the same this you can't reconcile. that you feel little if anything. that you hate to hurt me, but it's either that or lie.

but there's no need. i never expected. never thought. i loved, but not because. i chose to, but not to gain anything. it just was. that's all. nothing else. i always saw a friend. that goes hand in hand with. but i never expected. i loved, but never to ask you to do the same. i just did. never had a good reason. it just happened. like every star that's ever fallen. i never wanted to be caught. i just wanted to be seen.