Dark Poetry Prose Poetry July 7, 2004 Dark Poetic Prose

07-07-04 wednesday 9:04pm

consumed. swallowed like feathers lost in flight. and shallow as the passage from virgin to suicide.

let me remember one last time. how steep the climb. how feeble the winch.

allow me to remember those eyes. all pulleys and pistons. all revving that engine to go nowhere again.

watch me live or watch me die. there's no difference other than your perception. there's never been a tomorrow. only this relentless night. darting and squirming like dead mens eyes.

vanished it is. always was. what you thought you saw. what i thought that i did. fluctuations in despair. cracks in loneliness's skin. a pause in the blood where the infection sneaks in.

9:54pm 07-07-04 wednesday

i've come so far to go nowhere. all this time i thought i was making things different. nothing's changed. now i'm right back where i started again.

all this time that i thought i'd been living. was just dying without knowing it.

all those friends i thought i had. was just watching them leave like the ones before them.

it's been such a long trip round this circle. so many years just to get back to where i started. nothing to look forward to. no friends. all this time i thought things were changing. nothing ever did. all this time i thought i was making progress. was really just losing those same things all over again.

07-07-04 wednesday 10:29pm

if your eyes could cry. if your smile could laugh. well then, we never would have. we'd still just be those same people we were before we let ourselves need.

if i hadn't where would i be. just where i am now only with less insistent memories. if i hadn't. if i listened to myself when. the only thing that would be different is how i'd regret not having taken that chance.

it's not winning that matters. it's how much you were willing to risk.

i can wear the cloak of either optimist or pessimist, but either way i know in the end they won and i didn't.

everything's a memory now. nothing is left. everything's a dream now. or a nightmare. i just don't want to wake up. don't want to breathe again.

i'm just a corpse. so someone please bury me. i'm just the skin they shed. worn briefly and then. a small part of life's process. then discarded.