Dark Poetry Prose Poetry July 14, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

7-14-03 12:57am brck NJ monday

it's nothing really. just the edge again. taunting like it's a passage to somewhere better.

it just isn't. never could hope to be. jagged like time you can't remember. open, unending like the spaces you shelter when there's nothing else left.

a lie you told yourself and then convinced. effort exceeding circumstance. pure and bright like sunrise when fresh eyes open. lost in the battle for remembering if you said that. if you should have. how you can take it back now that you've given it.

i'm not that person. i'm anytrhing but. not where i live. not where i could exist. it's easy to lose a moment. let it rip you in half. tear you open like you were always split.

it's something, but too much for me. i've been bad, but not like that. i've regretted but never hated anything i've. but this i would. always losing. how i create it. like that. losing is what you choose when you're afraid to win. when you know that you can't. you take the defeat and pull it close to your heart like you love it. like it's what you've always wanted. cause you don't want anyone to know that you didn't. it's better when the light comes back. when you have to speak to yourself again. answer all those questions you thought you already had.

it's nothing really. just losing sight of. it shouldn't happen, but it does. it's not an option. it's a path. a ride you take or you shy away from. a place you keep in your heart or else never know. i wish i'd never known. wish i'd stayed at home when i knew i should. when it would've been better to be the loser with no one to ask.

they left me, but i never left them. they told me, but it wasn't real then. it's a ring around your wrist that reminds you why it's wrong. why love turns to friendship and then you're just left wondering how it happened. how love loses its place and leaves you off kilter. as how. demaniding when. as though they would ever answer. as if anything could ever happen.

no rules. just promises you made when sobriety still questioned. not what you can forget. not at all what you care to remmeber.

7-14-03 10:20pm brick NJ monday

if the summer knew what we do to her behind her back. secretly stealing from her graves. she'd never come again.

if people knew anything other than what in their worlds happens. they'd never love again. wouldn't care at all for anyone. cause lies never last and friends always have their reasons.

if one drink isn't enough. one kiss. one email too much. if life decides it isn't. well, then i can't argue with it. there's only so many rotations until your legs get tired. how long can we last remains to be discovered. but how far we've gone is quite apparent.

if i'm popular. or if i'm totally alone. there's only myself to contend with. no one else knows where i fly and where i will land. if the vein should pop open and empty itself. who's responsible. the hand or the blade. the bullet or the trigger. it's that silence between tracks that makes it so hard to listen.

7-14-03 monday 12:30pm brick NJ

if after there's still more,
the night bursts open
like a champagne bottle -
covering us in the easiness
that it contains.

a conscious touch,
a subconscious retraction of;
if after this and everything
there's still more yet,

fill my face with laughter
and my blood with amnesia,
treat the night like either
a child or a whore;

which one in the morning
will you want to remember?