Dark Poetry Prose Poetry July 24, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

07-24-03 thursday 10:30pm brick NJ

no way of knowing why or when. just go through your emotions struggling to feel them.

if the night is satin. and the air is perfume. how easy it could be to lay down and let it happen.

go deep like a syringe. pierce the skin and shoot that poison in.

moments come much too fast. living me before i have the chance. painting the night in the colors of passion. recreating places i don't remember being at. teasing like a cobra. hooded and venomous. fangs prone and tongue forked.. move slow. ease back, but the bite is already in motion. this time is different, but not enough. this time isn't like. it can't, but it will nevertheless.

words too fast. and thoughts more than. downhill beckons ghost riders when they find them. what am i to do? it had to be you.

where right lives in my mind i see the margins reticent. where wrong taunts tempting and strong i wonder how long you've been waiting for it to come to this. that i should falter. that i should fall. that what i've become should get the better of me. that empty as i am i'm full of something that has no volume. empty as i am i'm full of yet emptier feelings.

it's like talking to myself sometimes. and others just a stranger. it's like leaning in for that first kiss and then pausing just before you reach their lips. a cliff at the edge of your life that draws you toward it. jump someday when courage commands it. until then, pretend. act as if life is being lived. a blade in the middle of your heart always trying to open it. it heaves with the pain of breaking, but it does not bleed. there is none left.

if friends are what. and love is such. forget everything you know and commit to the lust. if life is dying. and this is as good as it gets. submit yourself to the night and hope that it will be kind.

i can't dream anymore. or remember them at all. i can't give a reason. have no excuse. i'm just waiting for it to be over. for that desire to draw us in at last and make it happen. so we can go back to who we were before then.

7-24-03 11pm brick NJ thursday

if i'm alive then prove it to me now. if longing grows like flowers in my bed then feed them. don't let them die before they've opened.

if i find music even darker yet. crying pianos begging for death. so akin to what i am. so lost in the places where love festers when it isn't answered.

if i'm dying then just make it happen. all this waiting is harder than.

i'm not lost. i've just never been found. i'm not alone. i've just never had any place to go.

don't call because i have to. don't answer just because it's ringing. it's not living, but it tries to. it's not love, but it wants you. a shadow on the edge of the sun. about to disappear but, who will remember it when it's been taken.

pulling on the words for the thoughts they can't explain. drawing on the night like a canvas that never ends. i listen, but then i will forget. no easy way to dive when the water is so agressive. no safe place to jump in and yet still it's so tempting.

it's not fair that i. that i have to decide. it's not right that i should feel this.

if i'm alive then show me how i am. there's nothing else left to have. if regret plants its seed then so be it. it wouldn't be the first time. surely won't be the last. if this is what we both want then let's just take it. like the moon takes the tide. like the night steals the sunshine. speed betrays this descent. as fast as we go it seems so slow. deep as this descent is, i want to ride it. i'd rather crash than never find the finish. i'd rather just take the chance than wish i hadn't. i'd rather be the fool whose taken than the one who never did.

7-24-03 11:50pm brick NJ thursday

if friends are just that why then does it feel so different.

if the night befriends us why does she still protest.

i lost long before i noticed. it's strange like that. when there's nothing that you've wanted it's hard to know what you have.

torment me. i revel in it. make me think because that's all i can. be that friend always on the verge of something better. i've never expected anything more.

talk to me like time is absent. make me laugh as if it could really happen. let me feel you there. your presense. thinking it's wrong and wishing it wasn't.