Dark Poetry Prose Poetry August 5, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

08-05-03 tuesday afternoon brick NJ

tell tale signs -
that frozen stare,
i went too far,
let myself be taken there.

beating wings of happiness
that just can't take off,
you leap into the open air,
soaring for a few seconds
before you drop.

8-05-03 tuesday 9:30pm brick NJ

if empty had a face it would look like mine. selfish and brooding and waiting to die.

if you knew me. if you could at all. you wouldn't be so certain of anything. cuz i'm always changing. different as the moons that rise. full, half, quarter, absent. cloudy. bright. lit by the sun. no light of my own. lost in the night pretending to be its guide. trapped among a million stars. waiting on that distant one to make me shine.

if one word escaped. then they all might. if one feeling engaged then it might start the whole machine into motion. no lies. just denial. you don't know. it's not that simple.

if death was a beverage i would get drunk on her every night. if death came in green bottles i'd buy as much as i could and spend my last hours drowing in the empty refreshment. i'd say goodbye not with a wimper or a scream. but just the clang of glasses before you take that big swig.

if i told you. if someday i should so choose. it would only be because i thought our time was over. that it had been all that it could be and you were ready to forget me.

songs over and over. sweet and repellent. like dying flowers. pluck the petals and ask if. love got stranded on some road when my tires went flat. i would've gone back for her, but it didn't seem worth it.

i can't tell you anything you haven't heard before. i can't ask you what it means. because i think that i really would rather not know. i can't say that it means nothing, but sometimes i'd like to. i can't say that the thought hasn't occured to me, but why encourage foolish schemes.

if empty had a soul-mate that would be me. so in love with the nothing more than anything. brooding and selfish. quiet and defenseless. pretending that i'm not. if you knew me at all. if you think you can. don't go there. don't touch the scars. don't pick the scabs. don't dig for a treasure that isn't there.

dilemnas come and dilemnas go. morbid and frustrating like empty pages when there's something to be said.

sheep, bitches, clowns. are all of us not all of them. given the situation. fly, crawl, act. presuming that you actually can. living, dying, inbetween. keeping what you have. anything that will last. as if anything ever has.

say you know me. say it like you really think you do. would that you could. say you've figured. equations of a person all theorized and accounted for in the ledger in your head.

move right through me. stealing time like kisses. warm and wet and lingering on your lips long after they've ended. feel my skin. heated and quivering like arrows for their target. pull the strings. beg the reveals. if you could know me. if you really did.

8-05-03 9:50pm brick NJ tuesday

reasons don't mean nothing when you contradict them. and answers wouldn''t need questions if they had real friends.

tell me that i don't feel. because that's just what i want. that nothing ever found it's way in and stayed. because it was always wrong.

sadness never had a chance when she tried to tame me. i use her so much more than she can ever hope to manipulate me. sadness tries too often to lock me in her cage, but what she doesn't understand is that i'm content there. doesn't matter where you place me. even if i'm trapped. i will still be. i won't change. i'll just laugh and drink and write like life is happening. doesn't really matter much if it actually does. i couldn't tell ya the difference.

free or caged. they're the same. just different ways of describing the same place. crying or laughing. just different methods of expressing the same pain.

sex just comes when it's wanted. when life needs a blanket to warm it up. and love doesn't know any better than the moment of, but i do. have wrestled her and raped her. beaten and taken her. love is just a whore looking for a paying date. she's used and she's selfish. she's addicted and she's jonesing for another fix. but i don't deal what she wants. never again.

can hear it behind your questions. every judgement passed. you're begging me to be exactly what i refuse to. taunting like that rabbit they have the race dogs chasing. but i won't compete. i won't run. i'll just be content to sit and watch while you run the whole race in your head. i guess you'll win. since i'll provide no competition. i guess you'll win. that's just what you wanted. so i'll make it easy and let it happen.

8-05-03 10:27pm rbick NJ tuesday

alcohol and cigarttes. and friends that haven't been. drunk on life or drunk on the substance. who'll know. who will notice.

my cocoon. my unpredictable moods.

your words. your motions. your way of taking the riddle and telling it a joke.

it can be willed away, just as easily as. it can be yesterday just as readily as tomorrow portrays.

what do you want. what have we sought? besides the pleasure principle that drives. besides that obvious. besides what flesh dreams of. lost. i am not, but i think that you are. lost i haven't been for too long. but you might. you may have misplaced someone integral to your being.

lost. i haven't been for way too long. found is what i am. though i never wanted. lost. i wish. so found it hurts. so found that i can't stand it.