Dark Poetry Prose Poetry August 7, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

08-07-03 thursday 9:20pm brick NJ

wake up from the dream to find it's still with you. vivid and feeling much too real. haunt the questions as they once haunted you. lay back into the folds of your own perspective and ignore what you feel.

if i'm a candle. then love is the wick. and you are the flame that consumes it. if i'm a candle burning. melting wax dripping in time with the moments that i live.

if darkness gives refuge. and loud music. if alone is where i can love myself again. feign the purpose and then later be able to attend to the chorus as it repeats in my head.

wake up from the dream to find you're still dreaming. that it's all a part of. kiss the night with sadness. make it cry when i mustn't. keep the words sealed up in your mind or drink until they overflow. remembering as you go. learning for the first time. how it feels to really feel this.

don't wake me up. let me keep dreaming. don't wake me. just let me dream. keep on dreaming just like this. all too real. all too easy to believe it.

not what i sought. not what i meant. just an accidental tourist. how can you see me. really see me and still find something to love. how do you touch and still want more of.

falling. too far. too soon. fallen. cliffs too steep. in the motion of the falling it all passes before me. at the moment of impact i hate it suddenly. i fall into you and can only hope that.

moving. swaying with the pulse of fear. afraid it's real. afraid it isn't. counting every breath as they force life into this flesh. not knowing when if ever i can trust. so frightened of. to take it. to not. can't choose who you love, but we can decide what we do with that. can't decide waht you feel, but can choose how much of you you'll let it have.

writing. dying. dreaming. don't wake me. just lie here and dream beside.

8-07-03 thursday 10:44pm brick NJ

when will i learn. never will. open and exposed and begging to bleed. don't have the nerve. not without a few beers in me. maybe more. when will i realize. doesn't matter much what's on the inside. maybe i can't. can't accept that.

hold me and let me pretend that it's just as good as it seems it is. say you love me just once so i have something to take with me when. almost knowing how much i need it. offering it like a bridge across these cliffs. don't do this if you don't mean it. if you aren't certain. you can use me, but not like this. it can be whatever it is. just don't abuse it.

when will the tears decide that they've said enough. that words have chosen their moment and now it's over. there's no more sadness left to die for. no reason left to live anymore. just being. just when. asking is it alive or just fluctuations in the atmosphere. asking it is true. could it ever be. and even if it is, can i believe. believe enough to make it real.

or even if i could,. that cloud lingering. that thought always there in the backdrop. grey and daunting like shadows that won't leave, even when you cast your light upon. stalwart and unforgiving. like being ripped from a beautiful dream. suddenly realizing it wasn't real. reality overcomes and you are yourself so much. so much so that you can't stand it. plunged into that abyss that is who i have become. happiness dampened by the sound of tiny footsteps. the knowledge that it isn't. can't be what it intends.

if this is love. then so be it. immune i try to convince, but it's purposeless. if this is. then i submit myself. anticipate the sadness. inevitable. break me before it must hurts so much more than this. lean into me with all that i can feel. press the moment. iron all the wrinkles out of it. making it smooth and soft like the light you brought. like the life you awakened. not what i sought, but what has found me. not what i meant, but now it's us. again i'm lost.

8-07-03 thursday 9:50am brick NJ

roses and dandelions,
thorns and surprises,
it's so like life;
give the greatest gift,
but not without conditions;
give me all i've ever wanted,
but not without a hitch.

hello and goodbye,
the beginning and the end,
they're always the same,
but what occurs inside those margins,
it was an accident,
but not a mistake.