Dark Poetry Prose Poetry August 16, 2004 Dark Poetic Prose

08-16-04 monday 9:21pm

under the guise of good intentions an awful lot of bad things happen.

under rainclouds of love hearts are drenched. only to see it evaporate so quick.

in the belly of the lie there are always a few crumbs of truth. that's what makes it so hard to know what to believe and whom.

if an hour passes. or if it's been months. the calendar and the heart won't neccessarily coincide. it could seem longer. it could seem less. but whatever. that doesn't really matter. only how much is left.

wearing life llike a trenchcoat. covered from your neck to your toes. no rain. nor any sunshine ever penetrate your heavy cloak.

there's always plenty of time to remember. and more than enough to forget. but there's never enough time to love what's happenening before it's ended.

08-16-04 10:13pm

why listen when all those words just float away like so many bits of pollen in the wind. that never make a difference. never created anything except watery eyes and runny noses. why speak when anyone who listens ultimately forgets. like so many dreams they ever dreamt. and then they wake up and hours later it's as if none of it ever happened. like i don't even exist.

i'm just a song they danced to then got bored with. just a camp fire they kept warm by and then put out when they were tired.

wish i could remember what it's like to really trust someone. to be that certain they really are a friend. maybe if i could remember how that feels i could find one again. but it was so long ago. and i'm not really certain i've ever had.

the spider's web seeks the flies. patient as it is. no hunt. just waiting. that must be why i fear them. since i'm so much like them. can't help but wonder how many spiders starve to death just waiting for their victims to arrive.

and it appears as if time has released us. let us go into the courses that we've chosen. alone. alone as life is. it didn't have to be. but we make our choices. i've never been chosen. and i don't ever expect to be. but i don't pity myself. i pity them. not because i'm better, but because they will never know how different life could've been.

i don't believe in wrong and right. only opinions. i don't believe in happiness. only all the ways we can imagine that we've found it.

08-16-04 monday 11:21pm

thought i could be. thought i just might. instead of trying to take my own maybe save a few lives. who knows. i still just might.

was just hanging around. the internet idle. thinking that there has to be something more i could do.

that instead of just dying cause i wanted to, i could die trying. trying to let someone else live who still wanted to.

there are so many reasons. so many ways to die. for once in my life i'd like to find an excuse. someone i can save other than myself. someone who actually needs saving. someone who longs to live like i never did. i wanna die, but i'd rather die knowing someone else got what they wished. i wanna die. i really do. but it'd be so much better to die trying to keep someone else alive.

thought i was changing. that everything was. but in reality it was the same as it'd always been. i was just looking at it all different. nothing had changed other than my perspective.

the people were the same. the friends just as fickle. i thought so much was chanigng. but nothing really was except what i wanted from it.

and as much as i tried to believe i just couldn't convince myself that anyone could be trusted. as much as i wanted to know how it feels. it just didn't feel me. not enough.

so we slithered away in our separate directions. we discarded those skins and tried to get used to the new ones. i guess that's what life is. not hanging onto the familiar. not clinging to what's always been. but learning. contstantly undressing and learnig. getting used to living in.